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April 30 - You may never hear from me again...
Went to Guitar Center last night. Meant to only check out prices.
I wanted to look at an acoustic guitar, and do some research on a cool electric I've been considering for about 10 years...
Found a Line 6 POD 2.0 marked down over $100. For those that don't know nor care, it's a processor that makes it possible
to generate all kinds of cool tones and sounds without needing a big amp and an expensive rig, which I can't have as
long as I live in a small place. All you need to complete the setup is a good set of headphones. Then I
found a pair of Sony digital headphones for $99. And I found a leather guitar strap with a big parrot on it.
(Guess what I tried out first) Needless to say, I then found my ATM card. Pretty soon, poverty may find me.
Now I just need to find an excuse to skip work for the next 3 months while I play with all
of the settings on it...
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April 29 - Whole Lotta Crap
I ensured that the message board will remain ad and pop-up free, and won't require registration. You silly
monkeys really need to post in it more often to show your appreciation. My goal is for it to be almost
completely self-supporting, and never need me to jump in. You folks are surely capable of much more hostility
and negativity, which makes message boards all the more interesting. I'm just not a negative person.
For the record, I said that with a straight face.
But I will admit to actually enjoying the rain this afternoon. Of course, I was
kinda hoping for 39 more days and nights of it and a colossal humanity-destroying flood, but hey, I live on the second floor.
And I'm a fairly strong swimmer...
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April 28 - Gene Simmons, Color Commentator
Just had to re-post the following article from Gene Simmons.
He might be a money grubbing asshole who's taken the greatest band in the history of hard rock
and reduced them to little more than a parody of everything that's wrong with rock n roll, but ya still
gotta love him...
GENE SIMMONS: 'If You Have A Problem With America, You Have A Problem With Me' - Apr. 23, 2003
KISS bassist/vocalist Gene Simmons has issued a statement clarifying his stance on the war
with Iraq and offering his unwavering support for the Bush administration's foreign policy,
calling America "the world's only hope for a bright future."
The following is Simmons' statement as it appears on his official web site,
www.genesimmons.com:
"Recently, because of the War in Iraq, our letters pages have become a forum for all
sorts of views. A few of you have expressed concern and sometimes outrage at some of
my responses. And, perhaps a word of explanation is in order.
"First, and most important, I stand by my words.
I don't often use words like 'fuck', 'ass' or 'balls.' However, when appropriate and
certainly here, in my own web site, I will do as I please. This is my house and at my
home, I freely express myself. You are free to visit other sites that might not
offend you.
"I have said in this political climate, that I am ashamed of the behavior of people
who call themselves either members of the Democratic Party (whose politics I usually
support, incidentally) or as Liberals (funny, I always thought I was one). But, I will
not hesitate to tell someone off. I believe in a form of politics that supercedes
[sic'> philosophical discussions. I believe in Pragmatism.
"Pacifism is a beautiful word. No one wants war. Not you. Not I. But, the most passionate
Pacifist is only relatively so. What I mean is, it's easy to be a Pacifist here in
America. That's because Hussein and other menaces are far away. The closer a gun is
pointed to your head, the less of a Pacifist you are...the more you're interested in
stopping the guy pointing the gun to your head.
"Granted, Saddam Hussein never pointed a gun to my head. I also never want to wait long
enough for him to do so. PRE-EMPTIVE WAR is one of the realities we all have to face.
There will never be another 9/11...and I could give a shit if there is or isn't a direct
line to Hussein. He had to go. Period. That regime wouldn't think twice about giving an
extremist a suitcase filled with a dirty bomb.
"I am passionate about America. It has given me (and in my estimation, the world)
everything I ever wanted... including the right to disagree, without winding up in a
can of dog food. And, because of my passionate love of America, warts and all, I will
stand up and defend her at the drop of a hat.
"Is America always right? No. But for 100 years, it seems to me, it has gotten most of
it right. The most powerful force the world has ever known is not conquering other
countries. Previous world powers, had a colonial agenda. This included at various times
in history: Rome, Greece, Nazi Germany, France, England, Communist Russia and Persia.
There are more.
"But, aside from the French complaining (don't they always?) about the influx of the
AMERICAN CULTURE, I don't see America expanding its borders...All the countries in the
world are free to rule themselves as they see fit...as long as they don't threaten
anyone else.
"So, the letter column has tended to veer towards your letters. I didn't push it there.
You did. DON'T START SOMETHING, UNLESS YOU WANT TO FINISH IT. If you write letters
and are willing to give...you better be willing to get.
"Because I give as good as I get.
" 'America, love it or leave it?' I never subscribed to that ideal. It's actually
UnAmerican. I DO believe in different opinions. But, I am also ashamed of any American
especially, who gets up on stage in a different country to badmouth America, while
American troops are dying in a desert country they would never want to live in.
"Is that behavior giving aid and comfort to the enemy? You bet your fuckin' ass.
In jail, when you misbehave, you get bitch slapped, or you become someone's bitch
"In life, you should be held accountable for anything that comes out of your mouth, not
just your ass.
"Yelling FIRE in a movie theater, is NOT freedom of speech.
"The war, for the most part is over. The British and the Aussies, (God bless em both,)
amid a murky political situation, stood alongside Americans and did what had to be done.
"The Iraqi's [sic'> are free.
"I suggest anyone having a problem with this war go talk to the Iraqi's. Ask them if
they prefer freedom (even at the price of, initially having what seems to be chaos),
or if they prefer Saddam Hussein come back and reinstates the old ways.
"I DARE anyone to say the Iraqi's were better off before, under Hussein.
"And, after the war dies down, and people here in America go back to normalcy, there
will be people who say that they are 'non-violent.' You don't want to get into fights.
But, what that really means is, you don't want to pick on anybody.
"Problem is, the bad guys don't always agree with you. You see, if you're against
violence and some guy holds a gun to your head and asks you for your money, you better
re-think your position. You better become VERY VIOLENT at that moment. Or, you're dead.
"Being a Pacifist, is an ideal. I subscribe to it. I'm against violence. But, only CONCEPTUALLY,
if you threaten my children, I wouldn't think twice about snapping your neck on the spot.
I suspect most people would take my view.
"You can tell by the length of this missive, that this issue has gotten under my skin.
So, I'll try to recap my feelings, in brief. Get ready, 'cause here comes the truth:
"America is the world's only hope for a bright future.
"Yes. I mean that. Yes, I know you live in another country and your country is cool, too.
But, America is the only Superpower. There are no others. And that means, the world is a
better place. Because if Nazi Germany or Communist Russia were the only superpowers,
we would all be either dead or forced to live under their regimes.
"America is not interested in ruling your country. If you think it does, smoking crack
may be your answer.
"I wasn't born here. But, I have a love for this country and its people that knows no
bounds. I will forever be grateful to America for going into World War II, when it
had nothing to gain, in a country that was far away...and rescued my Mother from the
Nazi German Concentration Camps.
"She is alive and I am alive because of America.
"And, if you have a problem with America, YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ME."
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April 27 - Sunday updates still suck.
It's sunny outside, and I've got a few minutes to kill before work. Did you really think I'd spend 'em
sitting in front of a computer?
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April 26 - Ever the optimist...
After espousing the virtues of Cheeseburgers and joking about "my future cardiologist" just last week, I got a little nugget of information that some
would interpret to be rather ironiic. In fact, I've just joined the ranks of millions who must live
with a potentially serious condition. I was officially diagnosed as having high blood pressure. Me. The guy who
doesn't care about anything, has no money problems, no nasty wife bitching about every stupid thing I do, and
no major worries. I get exercise. I eat more than just crap. I'm a very stereotypical laid-back beach
bum. But I'm still carrying a 150/90, which means a rise of almost 20 points over the past 2 years. It kinda
runs in my family, so if I don't get it under control now, I'm looking at it only getting worse in the future. I'm
supposed to try to bring it down naturally at first, which means I have to eat rabbit food and sleep more. Otherwise
it's a collection of prescribed diets and pills. Great.
But on the good side, that means life's almost over. Cool. A day off of work without guilt!
But when you think about it, with no junk food and less time to do stuff I like to do, I'm already dead.
How much worse could death be? I'd almost rather just die than be boring and hungry.
In preparation for the inevitable, I went ahead and updated
My CD Collection. You might want to go ahead and pick through them so you can decide which ones you want when my
little heart explodes.
I'm gonna have to get a second opinion... But for the record, the first person to post "Second opinion? You're ugly too."
on the message board is out of the will...
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April 25 - Get A Grip - Not just an album by Aerosmith
C'mon folks... is SARS really that big a deal? We've got what, 4000 cases in the WORLD? With about 200 deaths? Did
you know that 36,000 died from the FLU last year? Take your vitamins, eat your vegetables, and don't hang out
in the countryside in China. Or anywhere in Toronto. But who'd wanna go there anyways? I don't think we should
be warning people not to go to China or Canada because of SARS... We should be warning them not to go there because
those places suck. Want to feel some cold? Go to Alaska. Want good Chinese food? Go to San Francisco.
Trust me - bring a virus home from there instead, and we'll all be better off.
In other news... I got rid of the pop up. Told you I would. Though every once in a while,
I might put something up there just to see if I can crash your browser...
Naaah... That'd take effort. And what little effort I feel like putting forth right now
is intended for a much more noble cause. Details forthcoming... But here's a clue:
Danger Danger.
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April 24 - Half-assed would be an improvement.
Well, you'll hate this. But I actually kinda dig it. I posted a Links page. It's
every link ever mentioned that isn't already covered in the tables that frame the daily updates. But none of them
are identified. They're only numbered. Personally, I'm kinda hoping the "potluck" factor will make browsing the
internet more interesting. Click 'em randomly, and let me know if any of them don't work. I'm sure a lot
of them are outdated, and I just don't spend enough time online to check 'em all out myself.
Hey, any idiot can find a funny page and link it. But how many idiots can find funny pages,
disturbing pages, charities, retailers, and random news stories while never telling you which one you're about to
visit? Think of it as a Bertie Botts Every Flavor Website - you never know which link'll make you puke.
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April 23 - Don't worry!
That little popup image is only temporary. I've no plans to ever sell popup ads on this site. I HATE 'em.
But I wanted to see if I could make it work. It did. The end. It'll go away and whatever stupid image I create
for them will be archived later.
oh yeah, I'm Working on a stupid archive project. I'm gathering every link I've ever posted and making
a collection for them. Seemed like a good idea at the time, but it's proving to be more work than I anticipated.
I'm very tired right now, and I find it hard to even keep my eyes open. I'm drained as all heck. Been a little busy at
work, and I got my annual performance review. Luckily, the word "sucks" only appeared a few times. That's a
significant improvement over last year... Anyhow, I'm pretty wiped out, so I'm guessing this project will have to
wait another day or so until I get some rest.
Next page due for a re-model - the photo album. For some odd reason, people are digging
it. In recent months, it was second only to the Hempered Chef's column. Weird. But hey, you people speak, I listen.
Well, not really... What I usually do is laugh to myself that people actually read this nonsense... But that's another
post for another day.
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April 22 - Lost opportunities...
Coulda... Shoulda... Didn't. I totally should have run this pic for Mardi Gras:
But nooooo... I have to be a nice guy and run a PG website instead...
I'm gonna have to think up a new holiday or something.
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April 21 - Wouldn't it just figure...
Here I am, celebrating the arrival of beach weather and it's now cold and rainy outside. Oh well. Screw it. I'm
still wearing shorts and a tank top. It's summertime somewhere...
Lest any of you be repulsed by the mental image of me in any state of undress, I'll go
ahead and share some other pics... Cleaning out some old photo cds, I found one that has most of
my guitars on it... Now you too can see the guitars that have ruined a million songs. Also, remember that guy who wrote in and bitched about his pics not being posted on
the In Concert page? Well, I didn't put 'em up there... But just for fun, I did
give him his own page. Of course, those pics are so old, they actually pre-date this site.
I was surprised that I even have them on cd. But it didn't surprise me at all that they came out fuzzy and unfocused.
Yeah I know... Slow news day...
Honestly, I meant to do some work for the site, but instead I spent way too much time reading the forums
over on Tesla's website. Found folks who take much better concert pics
than me over there... But I figure, why go surf for quality when you can have substandard crap right here?
Yeah, one of these days, I'm gonna have to break down and buy a real camera, and then a backup
when it gets confiscated...
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April 20 - Happy Easter and Stuff
Most people look to Easter as the holiest of Christian holidays. It's the day upon which Jesus was resurrected from the
dead, and hid the chocolate eggs. Well, I'm really not up on my history, but there's one thing I do know. Easter
means it's officially summertime. I'm not waiting for Memorial Day. Meteorological calendars be damned, it's time to celebrate. And no one could be a
more appropriate ambassador to summertime than me.
So there's a new look, and a new vibe around here. Updates take a back seat to the
more important things in life, like tanning, sitting in the shade with a cold drink, and eating cheeseburgers. Should you still read here? Well, if you can agree with any of the following statements,
you're still visiting the right website:
1) I like to drive with the top down.
2) I can stay outside without bitching about heat or mosquitos.
3) Hawaiian shirts are like dollar bills - you can never have too many of 'em.
4) I have had microwaved burritos and a margarita for breakfast, and I wasn't on vacation.
5) Lime juice makes everything taste better.
6) I'm never gonna lose that last 10lbs/get a muscularly-cut body, but I'm still wearing shorts and a tank top.
7) I don't live to work, I only work to pay for the things that I really live to do.
So from now until the winter rains come, kick off your shoes and have a look
around. Have an extra taco, enjoy the beautiful weather, throw a frisbee, and remember exactly why you
were put on this Earth. You never know when you'll be called up to that giant bungalow in the sky.
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April 19 - Alright already!
Yes, I know the Tesla pics from the Unplugged show didn't come out too well... But hell, it's not like I'm
charging anyone to look at 'em. Besides, I've told you folks a thousand times... I only use disposable cameras
at concerts. Very often, security confiscates them if they see me using them. I can't tell you how many times
I've been bounced, or told to cool it. I've no idea why. It's not like
I'm posing a threat or trying to bootleg something... If anything, I'm helping by giving exposure and not trying
to make a penny off of it... (In that respect, I'm succeeding in a most unprecedented manner) Hell... I don't
even push my way to the front, where folks with contraband digital recorders are recording the show to bootleg
cds of it later...
Also added an article that will be updated infrequently, but as necessary. Go read
my account of the World's Greatest Cheeseburgers. Yeah, I know... I was
very bored.
But if you think that's a bad idea... Just WAIT until you see what's next!
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April 18 - Projects...
First, I'll go ahead and just announce that the In Concert page has been updated.
You can see new pics of Eric Martin and Tesla, who each did accoustic sets at
The Boardwalk to benefit the family of Jeff Rader, a Sacramento man killed in the fire at The Station in Rhode Island.
Unfortunately, the pics didn't come out so well. But since I had to pay $40 to scalp a ticket to the show, you'd better
appreciate them. Never in all of my visits to clubs have I been turned away at the door because of a sellout. And in all
honesty, I've been in that club before when it was twice as crowded. I guess the clubowners are hesitant to pack 'em
in now, given the circumstances. I've got mixed emotions - I'm glad they're finally being more responsible about
crowd control, but I know that allowing fewer folks in will drive up ticket prices and make it more difficult for bands to
make a living touring. I just wish some mid-size clubs (capacity 1000) would open. It seems there are only two places to play in
a city like Sacramento - the 15,000+ Enormo-Dome, or the Hole In The Wall with one row of bar seating.
Also managed to catch Bon Jovi. My seat was
too far back for any pictures though. It was a pleasure to see Richie Sambora live, who is one of the main reasons
that I play a Fender Stratocaster. Were it not for Richie, Yngwie Malmsteen, and Stevie Ray Vaughan, I'd be
espousing the virtues of some other brand. But y'know, those other brands are probably better off with me NOT endorsing them...
Anyhow, the stage show is top-notch, they faithfully do most of the classics, and
even the obligatory modern schmaltzy songs (that an old fart like me who'd rather hear 7800 Fahrenheit Part 2 will never accept)
are performed credibly and admirably. I give Bon Jovi a hearty endorsement - go check 'em out if you get a chance.
Working on a very pointless new feature that'll hopefully go up later today or tomorrow... We'll see.
The sun's supposed to come out, so it may be delayed a few more days.
But here's a sneak preview...
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April 15 - Don't Bother...
Since it's tax day and everyone's already in a lousy mood anyways, I figured that I could get away with posting some
really awful concert pics. Trust me,
these are some of the worst pics ever taken. If you go look at them, you WILL be disappointed. I guess I should have
known better than to think that pics
taken from the 10th row, with a disposable camera, in temperatures that even Norwegians would find a bit chilly
would turn out to be any good. Oh well. Can't win 'em all.
But just for the sake of humility (and keeping the In Concert
page updated), go ahead and see my horrible pics of Whitesnake, Y & T, and Dokken, taken at last week's show in Kelseyville, CA.
Even though the pics are truly horrid, the show was quite good. Dokken sounded pretty good, Y & T never disappoints,
and David Coverdale was ON. They were MUCH better than the last time I saw them, and the performance I saw rivaled any
of those in the 80s. Coverdale even hit the high notes he missed at last month's Sacramento show. NOW I can officially
endorse the return of Whitesnake.
But since I know that the pics are bad, I can't just leave you people with that and
call my work here done. So I added a one-line email I recently received to the Hate Mail
page. I also updated Dear Famous.
Now get off of my lawn.
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April 14 - Fair Warning - Not just an album by Van Halen
**Private note to some folks who know who they are**
If you wanna bag on me, that's fine. I've got a sense of humor
and I'm a big boy. I can take it. But don't hotlink images from my host's server and steal my bandwidth, or you will receive a
very unpleasant surprise.
Thank you.
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April 13 - Yawn.
Just got told that I'm apparently still a laughing stock over at:
http://www.fuct.ca/log/archives/00000053.htm. Personally, I haven't gone over and looked for myself. Hopefully
I'll remember to give a shit sometime later.
But on the good side, I actually got plugged on a few pretty cool websites:
Shaw Blades. That was the project of Tommy Shaw from Styx and Jack Blades from Night Ranger. Go check it out. And as
long you're out, stop by Eric Martin Band.com too. They gave me a link as well.
Let me know if you see anyone else out there talking about me or my page. Might be pretty
cool to have a "What People Are Saying" feature here. Well, provided I can figure out a way to make a whole bunch of other
people cursing entertaining... But hey, that concept worked for Dr. Dre...
Coming up next week: New pics for the In Concert
page, some really lame Photoshop projects, and more of the brilliance you've come to expect.
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April 12 - Was it good for you?
That's right. I actually updated Dear Famous. Believe it or not, I do
get a bunch of emails that could go up there. But so many of them are either obviously jokes, or so far out of my
realm of expertise that I couldn't even begin to try to help. But every once in a while, I get something that I feel
the need to reprint and address. Go check it out and see if you agree.
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April 10 - Reader Mail!
One of the really cool things about running a website is getting loads of email. Of course, I still have an AOL account,
so seeing about 300 emails a day isn't unusual... But believe it or not, since I've been doing this site, I've received
more than just solicitations for umm, "male enhancement" and offers to see J. Lo's naked ass. So every once in a while,
on a slow news day, I reprint some of the letters I receive here. Enjoy!
Subj: I feel like Gene Simmons
From: xxxxx.xxxxxxx@datamaxx.com
To: info@famousjames.com
James,
Just wanted to drop you a note about a cd I sold on Ebay. I had two of them so i decided it might be more lucrative
than a garage sale or vinyl fever. It was a copy of Vain's 'No Respect' and it sold for a decent amount of money (not
that money($39.00) is what i sold it for, it was to spread the 80's metal a little further). Well I wanted to send
you the description I gave...
"Here it is! One of the BEST Glam CD's of the 1980's. This CD is Long out of Print and a hard one to get your
hands on these days! Now it can be yours, all yours! This is "Get out the Aqua Net and trash your hotel room" rock"
It's all in the presentation, those displays we built and the suggestive selling techniques that I leared from you
paid off.
Talk to you soon and Keep Rockin'
Subj: You must hear it all the time---but--
From: xxxxxx.xxxxxxxx@uis.edu
To: info@famousjames.com
As a former Barnes & Noble employee (now working for an academic library), despite your claim that your customer
stories are "embellishments"--I know every damned one of them is REAL---each one of them has happened in our store
in Springfield, IL-- Going off on a different tangent, as I no longer work retail (and made few friends at that
establishment) I could tell you stories(as I'm sure you could) about some of the types of folks who are forced
into that kind of work----some of it heartrending and sad, lots of bad circumstances, akin to the NICKLED AND
DIMED tome that's on the shelves---and then, there, for the love of God, go those who are asking for a major butt
whomping, just like the customers.
Thanks for getting the tales down. I have a lot of student workers who consider your site a kind of "support group"---
Michelle
Subj: Comments on your page
From: xxxxxxxxx@fast-mail.org
To: info@famousjames.com
James,
I don't know if this was just an oversight, but I don't see any of the
pictures you took with Greg Kihn on either the "In concert" section or
your personal photo album. And, for that matter, no pictures of any of
the raucus sets I played. Dude! I played a Metalica song!
Pick up an acoustic guitar and suddenly you're not cool anymore.
Seriously though, the in concert page is a great collection of concert
photos. You should push that more. Keep up the good work and remember:
it's one thing that you're bored enough to sit around and write all this
crap, but just think how pathetic are the people who actually
occasionally read it.
Dave
As for that last sentence... I couldn't have said it any better myself...
Tomorrow... a REALLY rusty old column gets an update! Which one do you think it'll be?
Will it be worth the wait? Probably not. But one thing's for sure... I'm running late for work and better get my
hindquarters in gear...
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April 9 - Take off, you hosers...
Skimming through my site stats, I noticed a referral from a site I'd never seen before. I visited it, and it turned
out to be an attempt to bag on me, and to lump me in with a few random other webcam pics sent to some mullet-bashing site.
Then I saw a link back to my photo album page and these gems in the comments section:
It's the Goth, the Cock Rocker, the glam fam, and the busniess up front party
in back mullet brigade, Oh My!
Posted by Skeezer @ 04/07/2003 10:49 PM MST
omg.. I could so work on those ppl for hours.. now thats a fucking challenge.. hehe.. if I ever catc any sorry ass losers
looking like that Im shaving it all off. fuck them.. it hurts me to have to look at it.. shame on them for traumatizing
ppl all over the net
Posted by trick_y @ 04/07/2003 10:04 PM MST
Glad to see I'm being bashed by Canadians. Thanks for the traffic! I'm also deeply afraid of 'ol "trick_y".
After all, if he ever "catc"s me, I'm due for a head shaving. He's gonna work on me for hours. omg. I'd better
"watc" my back, huh?
Whatever.
If anyone wants to see, it's over at: http://www.fuct.ca/log/Main.htm
More reader mail tomorrow...
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April 8 - It's a mad, mad, mad world.
"You know the world's gone mad when the best rapper
is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the
NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the
USA of arrogance and the Germans don't want to go to war."
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April 6 - Cool!
I love it when I find old pictures... I found a cd with a set of pictures from a Bar 7 concert several years ago.
For those unfamiliar, Bar 7 was the side project of Tesla's Jeff
Keith and Tommy Skeoch. This was during Tesla's hiatus, when tension between some of the members was still pretty high.
But Frank Hannon was also in attendance that night, and sat in with the band. I'm gonna go out on a limb and
say that even though the popular story has a once mighty, now terrible Sacramento radio station (that hasn't played a Tesla song in years, by the way)
responsible for their reunion by hassling them incesssantly, I think it was this night that showed the winds were
truly changing. Sure, that radio station might have been the first to promote a reunion show, but without these little
club jams that reinforced the idea that the music is what's most important, all you'd have is another giant corporate attempt
to cash in on something you've no sincere interest in advancing.
Oh yeah, guess I should mention that you can see those pics over on the
In Concert page.
And just for clarification, I should also mention that the previously-mentioned once-mighty,
now terrible radio station ISN'T 93.7 KXOA, which still runs the only
program worth staying home on Saturday night to hear.
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April 5 - If they only knew...
Y'know, it never ceases to amaze me just who's out there reading. I mean, there is absolutely no master
plan to this. I literally do only spend a few minutes a day sitting here in my pajama pants puking up
something vapid and trivial for you folks to quickly forget. I've no idea why anyone would have any interest in anything I have to say.
I put no effort at all into this site. I don't even have any fancy HTML editing programs - it's all written
by hand, line by line, which is why there are often mistakes that I don't catch until later. I've never even gone
out and solicited a link, have never paid for any placement in a search engine, and could count on one hand (and
have fingers left over) the number of times I've mentioned the URL out loud.
Then I got an email the other day... Normally, I'd reprint it, but special
circumstances mandate that I hold off for a bit. I'll just say that based solely on this webpage, I was asked to
participate in a television news story. I'm guessing it'll be all about vanity, narcissism and the
total self-centeredness necessary to have any kind of internet presence, but I'm not certain... I mean, why
else would I be relevant to whatever it is they want to investigate?
But if there's anyone out there who has a pile of money burning a hole in
their pocket, I will say... I should really have a much more high-paying job. There's
gotta be someone out there who can hook me up. Think about it - even though you're reading this page, you most likely
have no idea who I am. How did you find out about it? I can tell you that I had nothing to do with it. That means I'm damn
good at turning absolutely nothing into something newsworthy and attention-getting. Now
imagine what I could do if I had a budget and actually put some effort into making this site worth a damn. Now
imagine that it's YOUR product/service I'm writing about, and YOUR money I'm wasting investing into promoting
whatever it is you'd like mentioned here. Instant fame and riches! (You might even get something out of it too)
Maybe then I could afford to buy a house outside of the Bulletproof Window District...
So I'd like to offer a new service. From here on out, my association with a product, service,
or person is for sale. I'll go through all links already posted here and check to make sure they're still worthy. Some
of them will be grandfathered into the new pricing structure. But the rest of them will be given choices from the
following matrix:
| A link in the left column tables | $25
| | That same link, guaranteed to be spelled correctly and pointing to the right page | $55
| | A mention in the front page daily updates | $85
| | A postively-slanted mention in the front page daily updates | $145
| | That same postively-slanted mention, with a link back | $175
| | A positive mention, link back, and a graphic | $225
| | The complete endorsement package - link, plug, graphic, and claim of first-hand positive experience | $300
| | A bitter, cynical tirade directed at you in the front page daily updates | Always free
|
Keep in mind that my updates stay online forever (or until I get a life, forget about
this stupid page and stop paying hosting costs) so these figures are a one-time expenditure for an unlimited online
referral. (Advertisement sounds so, well, "professional"...)
Or perhaps I'll just add some new stuff to the Gift Shop...
Maybe that would work, too.
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April 4 - Forget it...
I think the internet is broken. I can't upload anything to my host's server, and every link I click
takes forever to load. I've got better things to do than sit here and wait for error messages and broken images.
Well, not really...
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April 3 - Back to the drawing board...
Been doing some house hunting. I'm tired of flushing money down the toilet renting, and figured that flushing
money down the toilet on an overpriced house that I've no idea how to repair would be better spent. I figure,
hey, I live by myself and work retail in an unstable economic climate, so how hard could it be to qualify for
a substantial loan? Let's just say that I found out. Given my economic status, I officially qualify to live
in a medium-sized doghouse. But I'd have to rent the land. And the house would have to be used.
I've actually had real estate agents laugh at me when I tell them how much
I want to spend, and how much I think my payments should be. I can't even get them to return calls anymore,
much less try to actually sell me something.
It's sad to realize that I've never bounced a check, never defaulted on any
payment plan for anything I've ever bought, and have a stable work and rental history. I've even got a little
bit of cash saved up and could make a credible down payment. But I can't find someone who'll make it
practical enough (i.e., offer an interest rate low enough that I won't have to pay 6 times the home's value
before I own it, while keeping payments reasonable) to own my own house. When the numbers are crunched, I'd have to pay substantially more than I
pay in rent, and I just can't afford it. It's hard enough to pay off this stupid car. Never again will I spend
more than $50 on something that decreases in value during ownership...
Oh well. Enough pity party. So instead of living like a miser and trying to
buy a house, I've decided to live like a rock star and invest my money in more tangible and rewarding areas...
Oh yeah... April Fool! I didn't cut my hair. But to the people who wrote in,
thanks for noticing...
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April 2 - Beam me up, Scotty. This planet sucks.
Just received a solicitation to download a screensaver that will search for and examine radio
signals from outer space. Evidently, some goobers over at UC Berkeley seem to think that looking
for extraterrestrial intelligence on other planets is important. Hell, I wish someone would find some
intelligence on THIS planet... screw the other ones... Oh well. If you feel like helping
them out, go visit http://setiathome.ssl.berkeley.edu/
and download the screensaver.
Let me know if you find the Easter Bunny, too.
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April 2 - Beam me up, Scotty. This planet sucks.
Just received a solicitation to download a screensaver that will search for and examine radio
signals from outer space. Evidently, some goobers over at UC Berkeley seem to think that looking
for extraterrestrial intelligence on other planets is important. Hell, I wish someone would find some
intelligence on THIS planet... screw the other ones... Oh well. If you feel like helping
them out, go visit http://setiathome.ssl.berkeley.edu/
and download the screensaver.
Let me know if you find the Easter Bunny, too.
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Gift Shop
April 1 - New Look
Before, and afraid.
After, and even more afraid.
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