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April 30 - The fat lady stopped singing a long time ago. Don't get me wrong... I'm a HUGE Kiss fan. Always have been, always will be. But I gotta admit... I'm really getting a kick out of watching Kiss implode before my very eyes. Has anyone else out there been following the train wreck that was Ace Frehley's birthday party? Here's a report I found on a Kiss message board:
Then, I found another report with a a little more detail:
This is too funny... Spinal Tap couldn't write stuff like this! You've got Ace Frehley, who'd probably eat dogshit if he thought it would give him a buzz, squaring off with the notoriously chemical-free Gene Simmons, who'd probably market dogshit provided he could stamp a Kiss logo on it. On the one hand, it's pretty sad to think that Ace has relapsed again. But in a perverted way, I really love seeing Gene Simmons being torn apart by a drunk at a party. I just wanna know one thing... Gene has positioned himself as quite the business man.
Why on Earth would anyone think such a thing? Besides playing in a rock band, can ANYONE name ANYTHING outside of
Kiss that has been successful under Gene Simmons' control? The guy's like an inverted King Midas - everything he
touches turns to garbage. Don't believe me? Check out this website: Also, I really get a kick out of reading GeneSimmons.com. He answers fan letters, and leaves vague references to MORE projects that he "can't mention just yet". For a guy who spends a lot of time bashing his online fans, he sure seems to spend quite a bit of time online... There's also another interview with Gene worth reading. The guy has absolutely no concept of reality anymore. It's great reading. But I'll be the first to admit... When Kiss announces another Sacramento tour date, my sorry ass will be there. When Larger Than Life (kick ass Kiss tribute band) plays here next month, I'll be right against the stage. When Alive 27 comes out, I'll still buy it. No matter how many stupid things they do, I'll still be there, like the idiotic Kiss sheep I am. But you know what? When I die, just cremate me and put the ashes in a Kiss lunchbox. Gene $immons can't have $5000 of the death benefits from my life insurance plan. You gotta draw the line somewhere... email : : Message BORED April 29 - Back to the grind... email : : Message BORED April 28 - News first. The rest later. To be continued... I'm running late for Lizzy Borden. If I don't see you in the crowd there, you'd better be listening to Chicks Who Rock. email : : Message BORED April 27 - Just Got Home... Goodnight everyone. And don't tell my boss (or my soccer coach) that I'm running on fumes right now... I really need more than one day off every two weeks... email : : Message BORED April 26 - Sneak Preview! Tonight: Tribute at the Roadhouse. Be there. Then it's Lizzy Borden tomorrow. Missed 'em back in the day, so I'm kinda curious. Also had someone try to guess my age yesterday. I was saying something about being too old. Don't remember exactly what I said, I was just being flippant. Then he says, "You're not that old..." I said "Well, how old do you THINK I am?" He looked me in the eye and said, "I don't know, 40 or 41..."
Bastard... It's also Jane's birthday. She was a girl friend (not a girlfriend, but a girl friend - not necessarily my choice at the time...) I had in high school. I've no idea why I remember it every year. I haven't spoken to her in 12 years. I actually found her email address and sent a birthday wish last year. I'm sure she's long since forgotten who I am by now. I have that effect on women... Speaking of women... Staci from KXOA's Chicks Who Rock posted some pics from the Frank Hannon show. She rules. I actually broke down and sent my film away for processing... My local camera store couldn't come through with timely service. Hopefully I'll have some up here by Sunday or Monday. Hopefully by then I'll have something else to complain about. Knowing me, I will. Random link of the moment: KLOWN NEWS. Only a few of you will find it amusing. But I loved it. email : : Message BORED April 25 - Once more, with feeling Just checked my horoscope over at Emode. Here's what they think is in store for me:
This just in - horoscopes are bullshit. And I've still got nothing planned this weekend. email : : Message BORED April 24 - The end of civilization. Ever wanted to be on the Jerry Springer show? Now you can. email : : Message BORED April 23 - Well, that sucked. And I still haven't been able to get my Frank Hannon pictures put onto a cd yet... This is really starting to piss me off. email : : Message BORED April 22 - Rest and Relaxation email : : Message BORED April 21 - What a pain Also been trying to get my photos from the Frank Hannon show developed... I'm not technologically gifted enough to run a digital photo operation here. I'm also too cheap to ever justify spending the hundreds of dollars it would take to get set up with one. So I rely on those disposable cameras (which also are far less of a concern if I get asked to cough it up at a show by a band whose security bounced me. The strangest part is, when I'm just doing it for fun I can get photos back and on this site within a day. I was asked for copies of the ones I took the other night, and EVERY single photo processing place I've been to has had their digital operations down. They've all told me to come back later, or to wait a week so they can send the film away. Very frustrating, to say the least. Maybe today will be the day I find someone who can put my photos on a cd in less than a week's time... But I'm not holding my breath. email : : Message BORED April 20 - The Pie-Eyed Piper Let me start by saying that I went to the Roadhouse on Friday to see Frank Hannon from Tesla play a solo guitar show. (side note - he just built a website and all of you guitar-type people should go check it out - www.frankhannon.com) To make a long story even longer, I've been a Frank Hannon fan for as long as I've been a rock fan. When I was a 15 year old kid jumping around and playing air guitar with a tennis racket, he was the 20 year old whose guitar solos I was emulating. Even now, when I'm playing guitar, I use the opening lick to Modern Day Cowboy as a warmup. Frank rules, and it's about time he gets the respect he deserves as a guitarist - he can hang with any of the best on a technical level, but still plays with (song &) emotion... So I get there a little early to have a drink (or 4 - hence the title of the update) and check out one of the opening bands, Barking at Flies. They've been around for awhile, and I've seen them open for just about everyone. They finally graduated - based on their performance last night, I would now officially go see them on their own. Before, it would be a matter of, "They're pretty good, I'm glad they're on the bill, but I'm really here to see _________". Now, I'm giving them a full endorsement. Go check out their site and come to town when they play locally. And yes, pics are coming. So I'm feeling pretty good, waiting for Frank to come out. I've had enough to drink to be able to pull off that whole rock swagger when I walk across the room, but not so much as to be actually drunk. This is important. If I were completely sober, I'd have NEVER put up with shit like this. And I never really get wasted, but if I were I'd have preferred taking a chance getting pulled over and spending the night in jail rather than stick around. First thing I feel - a tug on my hair. Yeah, I know - my hair is pretty long, which isn't too common anymore. It happens at every show I go see - I'm gonna have a huge bald spot from 45 year old alcoholics pulling clumps right off my skull. So I turn around to make a mental note of who needs to have a contract taken out on them, and see my favorite local crack whore. She comes to every show too, most likely just to pull my hair. I briefly consider cutting it all off, but fear that would mean I'd have to communicate with her one day if she ever notices me with a short haircut. So I brush it off and get back to my buzz. Little while later, I feel a hand around my arm, and another hand running up my shoulder. She staggers and crashes into me. I figured she was just some drunk moron trying to find a bathroom or something, and brushed it off. Then she wouldn't let go. I look up to see a very-high, very ragged-looking, very foul-mouthed crazy woman. She started telling me that her "friend" thinks I'm cute and wants to meet me, and wraps a leg around me. She starts talking about her friend, then grabs a handful of my hair. She tells me that she finds it "incredibly pullable". Then she vanishes off, and I laugh a little. She comes back no less than 4 more times, each time getting a little more physical, and telling me about her friend. I'm trying to think of the best way to say "Get away from me you smelly creature" without running the risk of aggravating her and causing trouble. So after I'd finally had enough of this tweaky chick grabbing me, I actually told her I was married! She left me alone for the most part after that. I'm just glad that she didn't ask me where my wife was... So the show starts. The girl who was grabbing me jumped on the stage and started dry-humping Frank's leg. Talk about sexy... How could I have passed up a girl like that? Somewhere in the middle of the show, someone was trying to get back from the front of the stage to leave. Since that area was crowded, I got shoved backwards as she made her exit. Guess whose foot I inadvertently stepped on as I backed up? (I should also mention that my preferred club attire of late generally consists of pretty solid cowboy boots... OUCH!) So I turn around to find my 45-year old hair-pulling alcoholic meth freak. She seems to think that this means it's OK for her to grab my waist. Umm, it's not. So after doing a little creative squirming to free myself, I actually hid in the bathroom. Missed the opening to "Love Song". A little disappointed, but hey, THANK GOD FOR THAT ONE. So the show's over, and I'm milling about. The "friend" approached me and told me that she "saw _____ smacking your ass, and figured that, hey, fuckin-a', you know what's going on in this club." I could barely keep from laughing out loud when she finally left. Shortly thereafter I ran into a female friend, and she told me that there was a foul-mouthed crazy woman there who kept pestering her and wouldn't leave her alone. She said that she actually hid in a bathroom at one point, too to get away from her. Yeah, we had a good laugh... For the sake of educating my readers, specifically any female ones who might one day want to come up and say hello to me, here's a guide to acceptable behavior:  But I wanna know one thing... what is it about me that makes people think I would respond to that sort of behavior? I think a lot of folks who only know me from this site or from looking at me in a club would be pretty surprised by my real-life quirks. First, I'm actually quite shy in public. I don't really talk to very many people. Second, even though I might look like the poster child for 1987 Party Central, I'm actually pretty conservative with regards to personal behavior. I don't get totally ripped very often, and I actually find it very unattractive when others do. Third, does anyone really think that I wear cowboy boots, loud print shirts, and jeans so tight you can tell my religion from 50 yards ALL THE TIME? Y'know, I actually know how to tie a tie, iron khakis, and wear a ponytail. AND (gasp) I DO. Help me out here, folks... am I overreacting? email : : Message BORED April 18 - M.I.A. Which 80s Hair Band Are You? I'm Europe. But on the bright side, there is good news on the way... email : : Message BORED April 17 - My Aching Head And if this phone rings one more flippin' time I'm gonna rip it out of the wall... Someone keeps calling. No message is left when I don't pick up. On the rare occasions that I do, it's either some prick trying to sell me a satellite dish, or a hang up. One of these days I'm gonna get rid of my phone completely and just buy a set of carrier pigeons to communicate with the rest of the world. No more update... I need to get some rest and prep for a few upcoming crappy days at work. Not looking forward to 'em at all, and there's really no end in sight, at least in the short term. Oh yeah, one more thing...BEAT L.A.! email : : Message BORED April 16 - Self Help Think you might have a drug problem? Watch an episode of The Osbournes. If you can understand the conversation without subtitles, you should really seek help. Feeling mentally inadequate? Ever think that you might be the one holding down the collective average on the bell curve of human intelligence? Get an AOL account, then start visiting personal Geocities sites. Woof. email : : Message BORED April 15 - Taxing? Naaaah... relaxing. Would anyone out there be interested in some merchandise? I was browsing some of my
favorite sites, and noticed that ALL of them have corresponding swag. Since this site is very unoriginal and derivative,
(to keep it in 80s metal perspective... I am the Kingdom Come to the Led Zeppelin of other sites) I figure it's time
to follow the lead of others. Whaddya think? A Happy Hour Chef mug? A Hempered Chef tote bag? Or a Wacky Customer
hat? There's gotta be a way to email : : Message BORED April 14 - They asked for it But I saw a bumper sticker that made me think... It read, "Imagine if teachers had all of the money they need, and the Air Force had to hold a bake sale to buy a bomber". Based on my interactions with the teachers of late, I'd be perfectly fine with sending them all to the Middle East. Then the military could run the schools. We'd solve two problems - the schools would be safe places to go again, and those whiny complainers would be out of our hair for good. Dee Snider would be so proud... email : : Message BORED April 13 - Why Don't I Get Drunk... Speaking of lit, anyone out there remember the Hempered Chef? Well, he's back. He emerged from the..., well, honestly, I have no idea where he's been. I'm not even sure that HE knows, either. But there is one thing he does know - how to get really wasted in the kitchen. And he's back to share his knowledge with you. Go check out his new column. And then when your own belly button no longer proves overly fascinating, you'll be ready to tune in to Chicks Who Rock. Sounds like a pretty good day to me. email : : Message BORED April 12 - None of the above But I did get some good news - my soccer team picked me up again for next season. I was pretty worried that they wouldn't. A year ago we were competing against top teams, and performing very consistently. The last few months have been spent in a lower-level league, and the team didn't fare so well. It was strange to be at the top of a top league, then hugging the bottom of a less advanced one just a few months later. But I've decided that I need to invest more time in my game. I spend WAY too much time at work, which leads to very unhealthy living. After a 14 hour day, the last thing I want to do is cook and clean. So a trip to Taco Bell becomes the norm. Then after wolfing down substandard crap from there, there's no chance of being motivated enough to go work out. When life consists of work, sleep, eating, and little else, it's just not good. So I'm gonna invest more energy into cleaning up a bit. Spent the day eating good food, and getting back into running and conditioning. Just a few miles at a time to start, with a 1/4 mile sprint at the end. I also think I wanna drop about 10 pounds of fat to increase my running speed. (Don't worry, it'll come back and slowly be replaced with muscle as I better condition myself. But I wanna drop it pretty quickly to get the process started.)
Not much else going on... I went out shopping in an upscale outlet mall. I went in to one of the fanciest stores there, and was completely ignored. I was the only one in the place, so it's not like they were overwhelmed and I just slipped through the cracks. I picked up a shirt and a pair of pants from a non-clearance rack that happened to sell for about $85 each. When I looked up at the clerks to ask a question, I was greeted with rolling eyes. Didn't even open my mouth. Now in all honesty, I probably wouldn't spend that much money on something for me. But that's not the point. If I wanted to, I could pay cash for every outfit in my size contained in that whole friggin' store. I could surely charge everything else. Am I really asking too much? My only request - don't roll your eyes when I walk in. email : : Message BORED April 11 - Narrowing the choices...
Kick ass. I am a babe magnet. There is an infinite list of hotties that could have possibly confessed such feelings for me (the email even said so!) Let's run down the possibilities here...
I'll have to keep watching my site stats and checking email to see if I can narrow it down a little more in the future... email : : Message BORED April 10 - Never Again... email : : Message BORED April 9 - State of the arts
email : : Message BORED April 8 - Scanning the headlines Why don't we just save ourselves some future trouble and re-draw some borders in the Middle East?  email : : Message BORED April 7 - Two can play at this game... email : : Message BORED April 6 - Cheese with that whine? What's frustrating is that I actually take pretty good care of myself - I exercise, I watch my diet around game times, and try to get lots of rest the night before a game. I know that the day or two prior are for mostly proteins, with lots of water, and that the night before should be as fat-free as possible. I know that the last meal prior to gametime should be an overload of carbohydrates, and on the way to the field there should be a shot of caffeine and just a little sugar. (One of those energy drinks and a Harvest bar are perfect). I know the game. I don't totally suck. But I've been playing like I do. I hate slumps... OK, now that I've depressed you too, I feel better. Off to work to share my misery with the rest of the free world... email : : Message BORED April 5 - Believe it or not... Looks like the Message BORED isn't exactly thriving, either. Not too many of my favorite sites are being updated regularly, and I've even only received a handful of emails lately. But just because I know my regular readers hate it when I neglect the page completely, I'll post the email I did get. It was Part 2 of one of those "Getting To Know You" email chain letters that periodically make the rounds. I'll post mine here to save you the trouble of having me email it to you: 1. IF YOU COULD BUILD A HOUSE ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD IT BE? email : : Message BORED April 3 - Well, there's a scary thought...
Link of the day: Kiss' backstage requirements. Go ahead. It's safe to click it. email : : Message BORED April 2 - Vulgar Hairspray of Power  I'd also like to point out to her that Tommy Stewart (drummer of one of her favorite ultra-hip "new" bands Godsmack) once played in a big hair band called Lillian Axe. Don't EVEN get me started on Alice In Chains... Or make me dig up old photos of Slayer wearing makeup and spandex, 'cause I've got the records to prove it... Don't get me wrong... I'm not putting 'em down for once looking ridiculous. Hell, I STILL look ridiculous. But there's one thing I'm not - a trend-jumping poser with the tendency to dismiss earlier naivete when it falls out of public favor. I'm proud of my tackiness, and the lessons it taught me. Not many bands in recent memory can claim that much. And if you want to see even MORE of those super-badasses in previous incarnations that likely don't appear on their resumes, go check out Metal Sludge Exposed. I love that site - it's the vindication I've awaited for years! email : : Message BORED April 1 - Naaaah... Too easy. So I'm gonna use this little paragraph to wish a happy birthday to Heather Rae. She's one of the nicest women I know, so you should all wish her a quick happy birthday too. And for the guys, you should know that she's pretty damn hot. (She doesn't read this site, so I can say stuff like that here...) So just send her a quick email and wish her a happy birthday. She might get a kick out of getting a hundred different birthday wishes. Or she might end up calling me and telling me how much of a jerk I am for posting a link with her email address in it. If that's the case, I'll probably tell you all the names she will have called me. Either way, you win. The poll has been retired, and "bizarre links" was the "winner". I'm just glad I didn't post a "what should James do with his hair" poll, because I'd probably have a Mohawk or something if I paid it any attention. OK, here are some recent finds: email : : Message BORED |
Yup, this is one of those Kiss Kaskets you can get from 
Time for some detective work this week, Taurus. It
seems someone might have a crush on you and in order to find out who it is, you'll need to keep your eyes peeled. Even
if you do figure out it is, it might not be the time to confront him or her just yet. We know it's hard, but just go
with the flow on this one — you don't want embarrass anyone after all! 
Also picked up a few new cds (who didn't see that coming?)
yesterday. I bought the new 
First up: 
Heather Graham. She's tall. She's been
on roller skates. She's used the word "shag" as a verb. I'm in love. But I think she's engaged. Plus, that red
wig just didn't do it for me in From Hell. I generally prefer my women to be corset-free, and to NOT look like
19th century hookers with shitty accents. Maybe I'm just too picky... Chances it's Heather Graham - 2 in 100
Britney Spears. Well, she did just dump that
N'Sync guy. She's also rumored to be quite the fan of online communication. And I'm betting that's not a Pepsi in her hand. She's probably sick of those clean-cut early 20's types,
and would greatly enjoy the company of a longhaired, disgusting, 80s metal-loving sociopath like me. I could show her things she's never
seen before... But I'm thinking she's seen a lot more than she's willing to admit. Plus, her security guards would
never let me within 100 yards of her. And she's got a thing for that geeky looking English prince. Most likely, it's
not Britney either, although she's still a likely candidate. Chances it's Britney - 8 in 100. 
Tiffani Thiessen. No way. Not a chance. She'd
hate me. She'd throw her merlot in my face as soon as she opened the door. Even if she could be convinced to actually go
through with the date, she'd probably bitch about the popcorn at the movie. I'd bring her a Coke, and she'd throw a fit because
it isn't Diet Pepsi. I'd ask her to go get an ice cream, she'd call me an insensitive pig because she'd be watching her weight that week.
Try as I might, I'm still one of those nice-guy types, and she'd probably need a total prick to keep her in line and
prevent her from walking all over him. I bet she's pretty high-maintenance. Chances it's Tiffani - 1 in 100
I debated posting a whole bunch of "Screw my job, I'm walking" stuff. I debated posting a few things like
"I've decided to give my stalker a chance and buy her dinner". I even thought about just writing a real, genuine,
honest, heartfelt update. But April Fools day pranks are for amateurs. Much like only the idiots feel the need to get wasted
on New Years Eve, only the truly unoriginal feel the need to pull stupid pranks online.