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Featured Pages: 
The Staff: 
You Linked Me!
Chris Barrus
These sites are the best that you will find on the internet. You should visit them frequently. Required Listening
80s Rock/Metal Mailing List
Go see the above bands in concert often. Buy multiple copies of their cds. Join the mailing lists. Patronize the above clubs and tip your bartender generously. Especially at the Roadhouse. And listen to Chicks Who Rock. Early Influences/Frequent Visits
Big Dark Cloud Dot Com
These folks could have sued me at one time or another during this site's development. Reward them for not prosecuting me for "sampling" their source codes while I was trying to learn how to write my own. Actual google.com searches that resulted in visits to this site:
Xannex
The Worst Of James
May 2001
Miss an update? Can't get enough of my insightful commentary? Have no fear. I save everything I put up. Even the stupid stuff I wish I'd have deleted long ago. Proof that I am truly beyond help:
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January 30 - A Deadly Obsession Turns Into A Spine Tingling Horror!  Eddie Weinbauer, a.k.a. RAGMAN Yup, ol Eddie's a misunderstood metalhead (note the Lizzy Borden sticker on his locker, and the magazine in his hand, which features a pic of old Motley Crue!) growing up in the suburbs during the early 80's. As you watch the opening credits, you can see his record collection (which looks surprisingly familiar...), the posters on his walls, and his daily torment at the hands of the school's beautiful people, like...  The dude who played that gay guy on Melrose Place Well, Eddie's a big fan of heavy metal legend Sammi Curr, who kinda looks like a cross between Nikki Sixx and Dee Snider, by way of RuPaul Stanley. Check him out:  As (bad) luck would have it, Sammi was killed in a hotel fire. Eddie, highly upset at the demise of his hero, goes to visit a trusted local mentor. Eddie's mentor is the super cool metal DJ, "Nuke". Nuke is portrayed by (are you ready for this?)   GENE SIMMONS! Nuke gives Eddie the only copy of an unreleased Sammi Curr record. Eddie takes it home, and like all good kids did in the 80s, plays it backwards. Of course, there are messages hidden on the record just for our hero - good 'ol misunderstood RAGMAN. Continually playing the record backwards brings Sammi back to life, hell bent on getting revenge. He surprises the crowd by playing a gig at the high school Halloween dance, and then...  KILLS PEOPLE WITH HIS GUITAR. Don't wanna ruin the rest of the movie for you, but I've gotta mention one other highlighted cameo... I'll bet most of you remember the controversy about heavy metal music back in the 80s. Surely you remember organizations like the PMRC, and can easily recall interviews with concerned authority figures discussing various record covers and song lyrics on tv. This movie has one of those, too. Our good reverend and moral crusader is portrayed by the one.. the only...   OZZY OSBOURNE! Much like "Kiss Meets The Phantom Of The Park", You'll never see this one in any reputable video store's horror section... It's pretty much limited to the bottom feeder areas of the store. You know, in the same racks that 80% of my cd collection comes from - the "Who The Hell Would Ever Want This" bin. But if you ever come across it, it's well-worth the 90 minute investment. Once. Email : : Post a Comment: : Gift Shop January 29 - Whaddya Think?
Email : : Post a Comment: : Gift Shop January 28 - They're Here... But after watching it (and leaving the lights on), I got to thinking about the basis of the movie... And noticed a few scary things. Submitted for your approval:
Email : : Post a Comment: : Gift Shop January 22 - Anyone up for a challenge? So for fun, I bought the issue and skimmed it. Then I noticed something kind of funny... The cover model, Nana Cao, is profiled. In her interview, she says:
She also mentions a love of going to concerts, a preference for In-N-Out Burgers, and a desire to learn how to play guitar. So that gave me an idea... In scanning concert date listings at my favorite local rock club, the Roadhouse, I noticed that there are several bands that qualify as "80s hairspray rock" booked here in the very near future. Well, some of them have lost their hair, but that's another post for another day... But for cryin' out loud... I'm the KING of 80s METAL, live right here in Sacramento, and could hardly be more available. What I'd like to do is get just ONE date with her. We'll go to In N Out, a hairspray rock concert, and I'll give her a guitar lesson. Sacramento magazine can cover it. And I'll take a boatload of pictures for the site for your entertainment as well. So local folks, I'm asking for your help... Spread the word around. Pass this posting around to everyone you know. This needs to happen! And Nana, if you're out there, shoot me an email! What've you got to lose? Email : : Post a Comment: : Gift Shop January 21 - If only they knew... Anyhow, I'm wandering about and find a rack of khaki pants. That's when I notice a woman close behind. Normally I wouldn't mind such an inconvenience, but for some reason her presence seemed to be a bit odd. I decided to step away from this rack, and found another one. There she was again, speaking into a walkie-talkie this time. So I'm looking at another display of pants, and she approaches me. She asks if she can look in my bag. I opened it up. All that was in there was a present I'd purchased from another store for my mother, whose birthday is upcoming. She apologized for the intrusion, and explained that since I didn't look like someone who'd normally wear such clothes, my presence in the store had aroused some suspicion. Insulted, I left rather hastily. I could go on about my credit cards, how they've got no balance and a ridiculously high limit. I could brag how I had a healthy amount of cash on me, blah blah blah. Not important. What's important is that I was ALREADY WEARING KHAKI PANTS. I can't think of one thing that would make me stick out from anyone else in that store. Even my hair was pulled back in a ponytail. I shower. I shave. I wear deodorant. I'm capable of blending in just fine. Y'know, I'm tempted to name them here. I'll bet that little security guard-ette has no clue that I've got a forum like this. I briefly debated calling a lawyer. But better judgement got the best of me. If they don't want my business, fuck 'em. I could write a letter to their corporate office, but the last thing I really want is a gift certificate and an insincere apology letter from some incompetent manager's library of form templates. (Yes, they all use form letters for these instances... Trust me... I know...) I'll just sit here and laugh instead - 'cause I bought the same pants from a store a few doors down for $4 cheaper... Email : : Post a Comment: : Gift Shop January 19 - The Best.
To me, metal is a very diverse genre. I could rattle former MTV darlings all day long just as easily as I could discuss obscure Norwegian bands with painted faces and spider-web font logos, and find relevance in each. Who's to say that Bon Jovi is any better or worse than Slayer? But both bands certainly made their mark, and quite an impression, on the times. Actually, most of the "feuds" and non-musical nonsense of "glam" vs "thrash", "posers" vs "REAL metal" were media creations. Jani Lane of Warrant and Lars Ulrich from Metallica were drug buddies in the 80s. So the lines between genres that the fans drew were much more stringent than those snorted off of the table by the performers. So I've taken the liberty of grouping some landmark albums, some heavier, more obscure, albums, and some under-appreciated works together. But I don't think any metal record collection is complete without representing all sub-genres. To give it a more easily recognized analogy by those less familiar - you don't have to like white zinfandel, but to be a wine connoisseur, you have to acknowledge it's existence and you can't compare it to a hearty cabernet. The same rules apply to Poison and King Diamond. So I've picked a few albums that changed my life. Some have stood the test of time, others serve as warnings for bands of today. And yes, I know I'm leaving off a bunch of records. That's what the Message Board is for - so you can add your very own "How can you not mention..." thread. This list might contain some flash-in-the-pan bands, but what a brilliant flash some of them were... 10 COMMERCIAL ESSENTIALS: A bunch of other metal albums you should've heard, but probably didn't. So I offer a few comments: Black N Blue - s/t and Nasty Nasty. Imagine a teenage Ace Frehley playing for Bon Jovi, if Jon were suffering from allergies, with the early 80s LA scene as a bigger cultural influence than Led Zeppelin. Keel - s/t. It glistened in studio polish with more commercial songwriting than it's predecessors. But while most guitar playing at the time was flashy and technical, Marc Ferrari's style was a little more on the Impressionist side, relying more on layered melody than frenetic scale-climbing. Loudness - Thunder In The East. Japanese guitar prodigy proving that metal cliches weren't limited to LA. But anyone who doesn't pump his fist for singer Minoru Niihara's call to "Wock and Woll" is only fooling himself. Hanoi Rocks - all of 'em. If not for these guys, you could forget about ever hearing GNR, Poison, or half of the glam metal scene. Few people have been as cool, consistent, and outright personifications of "rock stars" than Michael Monroe. Bulletboys - s/t. Before Marq Torien was famous for being a temperamental asshole, he was an incredible vocalist and frontman. This is the greatest Van Halen record Van Halen never made. It was even produced by longtime VH-producer Ted Templeman. More tomorrow... Email : : Post a Comment: : Gift Shop January 18 - Why can't we be friends? Of course, I'm a reasonable guy. So I'll allow you to exist just so long as you keep to yourself and stay out of my way. Why the hostility? Well, I was out shopping and picked up a few big dumb action movies. You know, the kind where one renegade vigilante overcomes incredible odds to kill an awful lot of people. Love those happy endings... But I digress. I know the rules of shopping - I only pick up the things I plan to buy. If for some reason I change my mind, I put things back where I found them. I generally know what I'm looking for, and try not to need too much help whenever possible. As a result of my preparedness, I can limit my interactions with other people in the store, maximizing my time away from other actual humans. When I finally got to the checkout, I presented my credit card when given my total. The clerk asked me for ID. That's fine, except for one thing... When I first moved to California and had my drivers license picture taken, I had short hair. I don't anymore. That's generally not a problem, I really only need it to verify my age when I go to clubs. (And I'm so friggin' old that most of them don't even bother asking anymore.) So I show my ID, which generates a "Wow, your hair is much longer now!" Thank you for the observation, Sherlock Holmes. I'd been wondering about that myself. Will it somehow affect the procedure for accepting my credit card? If not, kindly continue. Then the kicker... He said "Y'know, there's supposed to be another movie in that series, but I don't know when it's coming out. I don't even know if they released it.". Then WHY are you telling me this? What purpose does that statement serve, other than to try to generate a conversation that I've obviously no interest in participating? I can understand if he was trying to get me to buy another movie. I can understand if he were saying, "Hey, just in case you missed it, the third movie in that series is on aisle 7 and it's on sale this week." But he wasn't. He was wasting my time, and committing the ultimate act of personal treachery - HE TRIED TO TALK TO ME FOR NO REASON. It's not friendly, it's not welcome. It's rude and intrusive. If you disagree, than you're probably one of the people who do it, never knowing how much it pisses off the person with whom you're trying to converse. WHY do people feel the need to give strangers completely useless unsolicited information? When did it become appropriate to engage other people with totally nonsensical crap, when the target is only trying to handle a routine task? When I'm King, that'll be a capital crime. Email : : Post a Comment: : Gift Shop January 16 - Yum! Oh well. Never made any money sending those $1 bills around the country, either... Email : : Post a Comment: : Gift Shop January 15 - Shocking! But at least there's finally some activity on the Message Board. Jump in - there aren't any pop-up ads, banner ads, or anything. It's easy to use and you don't even have to register. Make a friend, insult an enemy, or tell me how much of an asshole I am. Doesn't matter - I just like knowing that there are people using it, and hope they stick around. Email : : Post a Comment: : Gift Shop January 14 - I am SOOOO going to Hell...  Email : : Post a Comment: : Gift Shop January 13 - Great idea. I just hope Corey Feldman rides shotgun when Vince decides to go on a liquor run... And now, an FJ.com reader poll... Who do you think Vince will try to take advantage of first? Place your bets...  Email : : Post a Comment: : Gift Shop January 12 - I AM A NERD.     Dolls (excuse me, I mean ACTION FIGURES), games, and collectibles... Add to this the cds, videos, books, and assorted other crap, and there's one thing that's blatantly obvious. I need to get out more. Email : : Post a Comment: : Gift Shop January 11 - For the REAL fans! Today's Kingly blessings go to:
Email : : Post a Comment: : Gift Shop January 10 - It's a small, small world...
Wow. That means I've been acknowledged by Bruno Ravel from Danger Danger, Billy Nychay from Diamond Rexx, and now Bill Altman from Crystal Zoo. If things keep up like this, maybe next month I'll get an email from someone in Trixter! Just kidding Bill... Actually, I liked that Crystal Zoo cd... And thanks to your email, I had to go dig it out of the archives and listen to it again. Guess I'll have to throw up a plug for Big Block Dodge now... Email : : Post a Comment: : Gift Shop January 9 - The winner and still champion... Just yesterday, I got this email: Reading through famousjames.com (yes I am a famousjames junky) I read: To which I reply:
Email : : Post a Comment: : Gift Shop January 8 - Pass. Charmless
Email : : Post a Comment: : Gift Shop January 7 - Forget it. Email : : Post a Comment: : Gift Shop January 6 - I Always Feel Like... (you know the rest) But I also recently found out that one of my other occasional readers is That Cute Brunette's MOTHER. If you're still out there, PLEASE make sure you read the Frequently Asked Questions page before you dig too deep into the archives... Anyone else out there that I should know about? Email : : Post a Comment: : Gift Shop January 5 - Big Pimpin' It also took a little while to take down the website's holiday decorations. Frankly, I still suck at graphic design, and procrastinated in a major way when I realized that I'd have to re-design everything again. Can't just go back to the old scheme, especially when it looked as amaterish as mine did.
Maybe I should have a contest... Anyone who sends in a pic of themself in some state of undress could win some FJ.com clothing or something... Might be kind of funny. Plus, the quickest way to get more site traffic is to feature nudity. And since there's already enough of that on the internet, I'll do my part to separate myself from the pack by only posting pics of extremely unattractive people! That's right, ugly readers... Send in a pic of yourself and I'll make it worth your while! Email : : Post a Comment: : Gift Shop |
Oh yes... I can't believe the master copy of this movie wasn't
destroyed. Someone actually put it out on DVD. It may very well be one of the worst movies ever made, but
in terms of historical value, it's mandatory viewing. I imagine that all of my regular readers will in some
way relate to this movie. Friggin' scary... But even though the plot stinks, the cast of the
film is nothing less than a veritable cornucopia of "Who Used To Be Who". Let's start with the main character.
You probably knew him as Skippy Handelman from Family Ties. But allow me to introduce you to:
Just picked up the newest issue of 
Subj: Hello, you have my music in your collection, Bill from Crystal Zoo 
Here's the cover of the cd on which that song appears, and
some information that you might need should you wish to go check it out: 'Gypsy Soul: New Flamenco' USA CD 1998
Narada [72438-45506-2-2]. It also features some other interesting guitar
players who've called the Narada label home such as Armik, Jesse Cook, and Oscar Lopez.
Speaking of big pimpin'... Check out
what just got sent to me. Honestly, I've no idea why anyone would send me something like that. I know
that the appendages in question are unfamiliar to me... And to be honest, I can't imagine myself ever
taking someone who would do something like that very seriously. I'm guessing it's some freak who runs
a webcam trying to get me to plug their site. Y'know, I'll bet if she knew that this site really
only gets a few hundred hits a day, she'd send that pic elsewhere... to someone who actually has
a lot of regular readers!