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Featured Pages: 
The Staff: 
You Linked Me!
Chris Barrus
These sites are the best that you will find on the internet. You should visit them frequently. Required Listening
KXOA.com - Sacramento's Hard Rock
Go see the above bands in concert often. Buy multiple copies of their cds. Join the mailing lists. Patronize the above clubs and tip your bartender generously. Especially at the Roadhouse. And listen to Chicks Who Rock. Early Influences/Frequent Visits
Big Dark Cloud Dot Com
These folks could have sued me at one time or another during this site's development. Reward them for not prosecuting me for "sampling" their source codes while I was trying to learn how to write my own. Actual google.com searches that resulted in visits to this site:
Xannex
The Worst Of James
May 2001
Miss an update? Can't get enough of my insightful commentary? Have no fear. I save everything I put up. Even the stupid stuff I wish I'd have deleted long ago. Proof that I am truly beyond help:
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March 31 - Is This Nerdy? Yeah, that's pretty nerdy. But I made it. Email : : Post a Comment: : Gift Shop March 30 - Uncle Ted
Then Ted takes on the Osbournes...
But just to show that I'm not a blind follower of all things right wing... I rather enjoy fast food, and may go hit Taco Bell later... Then the shocker...
If it happens, anyone wanna take bets as to when Michigan secedes from the US and tries to invade Canada? Email : : Post a Comment: : Gift Shop March 29 - All good things... Email : : Post a Comment: : Gift Shop March 28 - Right Here Waiting... Email : : Post a Comment: : Gift Shop March 27 - The internet sucks.
Also finally found a copy of "Smokey & The Bandit" on DVD, which I haven't watched yet. Unwrapping it and getting up to set everything up is just too much work right now. Told you I'm a lazy slug. Enough of my slacking... Looks like ANOTHER long lost FJ.com columnist has made an appearance. That's right, kiddies... After an extended leave, The Hempered Chef just sent in a new column, recipe, and a bunch of pictures. Go check 'em out. The pics are actually really cool. And as always, please designate a driver. Email : : Post a Comment: : Gift Shop March 23 - TRUE. Got some other stupid little projects to work on this week... I don't want to ruin any surprises, but if any of them come out you'll be the first to know. Well, maybe the second... Now go sling some mud on the Message Board. It only takes a minute to piss someone of and make an enemy for life... But often, that can still be brutally funny. Email : : Post a Comment: : Gift Shop March 22 - This is getting old. Maybe I've got that SARS-thing that's going around. That'd suck. I've got Whitesnake tickets that'd just go to waste... Email : : Post a Comment: : Gift Shop March 21 - Give war a chance. But for the sake of those who still remain unconvinced that the US is justified in it's actions, here are some key points to remember:
Oh well. Just remember that I like my order of Freedom Fries supersized. Email : : Post a Comment: : Gift Shop March 19 - Another shocker!
Yup, that's right, longtimers... The Happy Hour Chef is back. well, at least until someone else coughs up the $15 million asking price he's set in free agency. Good luck, buddy... Hell, if I can't turn 600,000+ hits into more than a handful of crappy t-shirts, I'll cut my hair if you get $15 million to write Happy Hour Chef columns! Email : : Post a Comment: : Gift Shop March 17 - The Wall of Famous  I also found some cool stuff while I was cleaning... Found a Danger Danger backstage pass I never got to use... The passes were included in all orders placed through the website by fan club types, but then they never toured to support the album. I'm not bitter...  Email : : Post a Comment: : Gift Shop March 16 - "High" Finance ALL I WANTED was $20. I only needed to buy myself some lunch. I stopped to pick up some cash, and see a guy in front of me using the machine. I'm patient, I can wait while he deposits his check, gets some cash, checks his balance, whatever. I'm not in too big a hurry. So I wait. And I wait. And wait some more. All the while, this guy is punching buttons and saying (quite loudly) "Dammit! Dammit! That's not what I wanted!". What the heck is he doing? It figures that when all I need is a few bucks, I get stuck behind some stoned Rockefeller, transferring funds between offshore accounts or something... So he turns to me, and angrily says, "This fucking machine isn't working!", fresh spittle projecting from his mouth as his eyebrow (singular) scrunched into an unrecognizable shape. Umm... thanks. I decided I didn't need a cheeseburger after all, went home and had a can of soup for lunch. So if the Burger King across the street from my bank missed it's daily sales target by about $6, you know why. Email : : Post a Comment: : Gift Shop March 15 - Yeah, yeah, yeah... Maybe you'll get lucky and I'll be in more of an updating mood tomorrow... Don't hold your breath... Email : : Post a Comment: : Gift Shop March 13 - More celebrity visitors! Anyhow, I "borrowed" a whole bunch of code in an attempt to learn how it all worked, since I've never taken any classes or had any kind of training in website design. I'm also WAY too lazy to bother studying it in an actual book, on my own time. My time is precious, I've got 80s metal to collect! Furthermore, I really don't have any friends with even the least bit of interest in it, so it was all trial and error. Mostly error. Cutting, pasting, and tinkering were the only ways I could figure out how the codes worked. That's one of the reasons that the layout and design of this site used to change so much when it was on AOL. It was all just a big experiment. By doing that, I've learned enough to code this site in it's present incarnation all by my little 'ol self, and gave credit to all of the sites I used as influence and/or reference (and thanked them for never suing me) in a table called "Early Influences/Frequent Visits". Then yesterday, I got this email:
Damn. I sure hope Johnnie Cochran's got some free time... I need some legal help fast! "Since FJ.com looks like shit, you must acquit" Oh well... Thanks to Dave from diddly.com for taking a minute to acknowledge me. Maybe next week I'll realize yet another lifelong dream and be recognized by someone over at cockeyed.com... Actually, that guy lives in Sacramento too, and an ex-roomate of his used to work for me, so that's not impossible! Email : : Post a Comment: : Gift Shop March 11 - Dear MTV But I'm gonna introduce myself to you anyways. I'm James, the King of 80s Metal. And
I'm mad. I've got a lot on my mind, and need to say some things that you really need to understand. But
even though I refer to myself in the first person here, I speak for an awful lot of people. Many of them don't have
an outlet or a medium like this. But if they did, I'm sure they would say: What did I get in return? Sorority Life. Fear. The Real World. Road Rules. Cribs. Rock N Jock B-Ball Jams. Becoming. Dismissed. Made. What did we lose? MUSIC. How can you even call yourself Music Television anymore when the only music played is in the background of a commercial for Mountain Dew? It's not like I'm some bitter stuck-in-the-80s reject demanding a return to glory for Dokken. I'm perfectly fine with you playing lots and lots of rap and R&B. That's what's popular now, and I can accept that. Play all of the teeny-bop music you want, you did it for me when I was a teenager. But for the love of God, PLAY SOME MUSIC AGAIN. You're not even close to relevant anymore, when you once had considerable muscle. I honestly don't think you know just how totally uncool and unhip you've become. You're a trend-jumping poser, catering to those who insist on continually suckling from the emaciated bosom of reality-based pop culture. You didn't even acknowledge the Great White concert fire in Rhode Island, when CNN, MSNBC, Headline News, and all of the networks deemed it worthy of continuous coverage. I wanted coverage from an outlet that had previously covered much lower-profile musical news in the past (Lisa Lopes gets a tribute show... Joey and Dee Dee Ramone's deaths get mentioned...), but instead tuned into Sorority Life. You have no idea how insulting that is, NOT just because I'm a fan of 80s metal, but because dammit, it's a major national event, and it was music-related. I'm sure no one at your station remembers anymore, but believe it or not, you used to play an awful lot of Great White videos on your station. I think you owe a little more respect to your roots. Yeah sure, I might wear a crown for a picture on a stupid website. You can read this and dismiss it as the pointless ramblings of a non-viewer. But there are a few things you should know before you delete this. I HAVE MONEY NOW. I am a much more valuable demographic, because I'm in the position to buy the things you sell. If you think selling ads for Clearasil are lucrative, try selling some to Toyota or Ford. I could pay your bills much more easily than a 15 year old who only uses Road Rules as background noise while he's looking for porn on his parents' computer. Plus, after 30 minutes now, there's no need to continue watching. Do you really think the lives of whiny, bitchy college kids change from episode to episode? You used to command the longest idle time in the industry, because people knew that if they didn't like the song playing currently, all they had to do was wait 4 minutes for the next one. They would switch and come right back, if they even bothered switching at all. Whatever your ratings say, the public turns you off now. We're sick of it. I hope you'll take this to heart, MTV. But I somehow doubt you will. Oh well. At least I've got the Food Network. Emeril actually has a live band on his show. Think about it. Email : : Post a Comment: : Gift Shop March 10 - Frustration... Same with those cds in used record stores that read "For Promotional Use Only". Since I've spent the last 10 years in the business, here's some "inside" information. Pay attention - record stores don't pay for those. They're given to us by the labels with the understanding that we'll either play them or give them away. SELLING THEM IS UNETHICAL. The cost of them is actually charged back to the artist, and is recouped against their recording/tour/promotions advance. Selling (and/or re-selling) them costs the artist a sale. You're not screwing the record labels. Quite the contrary, actually, since they still get paid first. The only loser in this deal is the artist, 'cause everyone else gets a cut. Now I'm seeing promotional tickets up for sale, and multiple quantities by the same sellers. Ticketmaster's maximum order is between 3 and 8 depending on the show, so I'm thinking there's something fishy going on. To watch bloodsucking opportunists "trade" in concert tickets illegally and/or unethically acquired, and proceed to ask $350 for them while real fans who punch a clock get shut out, is particularly disturbing. I'm all for capitalism and free enterprise, but in a zero-sum game with very limited resources like concert ticket sales, it really makes me want to become a raving Socialist. Viva la Revolucion. Email : : Post a Comment: : Gift Shop March 9 - Updates O'Plenty In Concert was also updated. I added some pics from the Stephen Pearcy show at the Roadhouse. Now regarding Stephen... Let me first say that I've always been an admirer of his, even though a lot of his Ratt cohorts (and several others) have spent a great deal of the past 10 years slagging him for being lazy, uninspired, unprofessional, etc. But he's actually kept quite busy over the years. Between Ratt reunions, solo projects, and side projects like Arcade, Vertex, and Nitronic, he's been both diverse and prolific. Granted, he doesn't have one of those soaring vocal ranges, but I really think that he honestly enjoys creating music, and have always perceived him as driven and hardworking. But I gotta be honest here... He forgot a lot of words. It's not like he was blowing obscure songs performed live only as experiments... Hell, I don't know the words to "I'm Insane" or "Sweet Cheater" anymore. But not knowing "Lovin' You's A Dirty Job"? That song wasn't some obscure b-side, it was a hit for them and a fan favorite. You CAN'T mess that one up and get away with it. He also admitted that since it was the first night of the tour, the setlist wasn't finalized yet. Excuse me? The time to create the setlist is BEFORE the start of the tour, not on the first night. I appreciate hearing some lesser-known songs, and don't mind the band taking some liberty. But I almost felt like I was at a rehearsal. But with the negatives came some positives... A cover version of "You've Got Another Thing Coming". I can hear the Rob Halford purists cringing at a Stephen Pearcy interpretation of that song, but it should be known that before there was a 'Ratt', there was a Judas Priest-styled band called the Gladiators, featuring one Stephen Pearcy on lead vocals. No, he doesn't have the range of early Halford, I'm not gonna deny it. But it still sounded pretty good. All in all, worth the money. I'd go see it again. But I'm not betting on a Stephen Pearcy summer headlining package tour either. Email : : Post a Comment: : Gift Shop March 8 - Purple Reign! But once again, Sacramento Magazine served a useful purpose. This month's issue has a feature on the Royal Court Dancers, and as a joke, I brought it with me to the game. When they were doing their routines near my section, I help up the magazine. On a few occasions, a dancer even ran up into the stands to say hello. Of the three dancers who saw the mag and came up, I was directly acknowledged by two. The basketball pictured a few days ago was given to me by the very lovely Sasha. Krystal wouldn't even look my way once she cleared the first row, (Can't say I blame her) but Becky stopped and posed for a quick pic. Too bad I wasn't thinking quickly, I probably could have gotten several pics if I'd have planned on it. But stupid me, I wasn't planning on anything but a candid or two to kill off a roll... Oh well. At least the Kings won... Email : : Post a Comment: : Gift Shop March 7 - What do you MEAN I'm not the center of the universe... I've noticed that the financial organizations who are most likely to provoke my wrath are big, national uber-banks whose idea of customer service is charging less than the going rate for telephoned balance inquiries. So a few years ago I finally found one big enough to suit my needs, small enough to not have the overwhelming corporate desire to nickel-and-dime everybody to death, and smart enough to know that my needs are simple. They just got bought out. The "free checking" I've had for the past few years now costs me $7.50. What Would James Do? You got it. F- that. I explained that I've never bounced a check in all of my years of checkwriting, have kept a minimum balance exceeding all previous requirements for free checking, and have been a customer of that bank for many years now. They told me the only way I would get it now was to sign up for direct deposit or double my balance. In all honesty, that's not too big a deal. But now it's a matter of principle. I told them that I don't pay for checking "Because I'm James, and if that's not good enough, you can take your newly acquired stock options and cram 'em until they mature". Hard to believe they didn't go for that... But at least all universal elements have been restored to their rightful order, and I once again hate the financial industry. Email : : Post a Comment: : Gift Shop March 6 - Ballin'  Email : : Post a Comment: : Gift Shop March 3 - Cool Sites Bunnies Frighten Me. A weblog
by someone who used to have me linked, then changed names. (OK, so that makes me a little biased...) But I'm glad to
see her site back up. Yeah, I guess that qualifies as "snarky"... Aren't you impressed that I waited 15 seconds before taking a jab at 'em? But to answer your question, YES... I'll still be front and center, cheering like an idiot when they come to town to celebrate the 5th annual Farewell Tour. Email : : Post a Comment: : Gift Shop March 2 - Well, on the bright side... Believe it or not, their manager/choreographer once worked in my record store for a brief while... Wonder if she'd remember me... Email : : Post a Comment: : Gift Shop March 1 - Ssshhh!!! It's a secret!  That's right! Coming soon to a FOX affiliate near you, it's the saga of this idiot from Northern California who calls himself Famous James! What we did is tell a bunch of really hot chicks that James burned his lap from a loose-lidded cup of McDonalds' coffee, sued them, and won a million dollars! But he didn't! In fact, he doesn't even have a real job at all! He's a total loser with only $21 dollars to his name, a $500/week 80s Metal habit, and he spends all of his free time creating badly-Photoshopped pictures with himself in them! Tune in to see how James manages to string along a roomful of hotties with his tangled web of lies pertaining to unimaginable riches, wealth, and luxury! Make sure you don't miss any episodes of the newest reality series to pollute the airwaves, "James Millionaire"! You'll see episodes like:
Email : : Post a Comment: : Gift Shop |
But just because I know how you people hate it when I don't update, I went ahead and
added to 
I know you'll never read this. I don't fit into your demographic anymore.
Of course, any marketing department worth his/her weight in baked beans would know that it's more important to cater
to a demographic with actual spending power, one that doesn't rely on keeping a bedroom clean for allowance money,
but I wouldn't expect you to understand that concept. After all, you foolishly insist on leaving the word "Music" in
your corporate logo.
High Rollin' James Hits The Casino With "Pamela"
James Hits the Premier Circuit with "Heather"
"King" James Offers A Tour Of His Home Country!
James Takes "Britney" To Rio!
James Meets His Match?