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September 28 - Damn. Email : : NEW MESSAGE BOARD: : Old Message BORED: : Gift Shop September 27 - No really, I'm alright... You see, what I really hate is most of you. Well, not individually, but collectively. You were TOLD that you were going to see a media creation right before your very eyes. You were told that out of a bunch of people, one would be picked and that you would bow to her, the American Idol. Whether she's talented or not isn't even the issue. It was all laid out - the whole stupid plan - right before your eyes - Hey America, here's another pre-packaged pop singer. We've got the marketing outline in place already, our research shows what you want, and it isn't even what you think. Whoever we pick will be a huge star. We will make it so simply because we can. All that we need now is your money, so buy her cd. Why? Because she's your new idol. AND YOU DID. You fell right into their trap and made that friggin' single a number one hit. It's disturbing that the public is so fickle, easily manipulated, and sheeplike. Furthermore, I really hope you all enjoy the cd from the LOSERS of the show, which comes out next week. I just wanna know... Where else but in America could the LOSERS of a talent show get a record deal and get a spot on a cd that will probably top that charts? Sometimes it gets really lonely being one of the last free-thinking people alive, sitting here with limited company, at the upper echelon of common sense. Email : : NEW MESSAGE BOARD: : Old Message BORED: : Gift Shop September 26 - No rollin' for you! I've also got a headache. Just thought you should know. But hey, at least I get to go to work. Email : : NEW MESSAGE BOARD: : Old Message BORED: : Gift Shop September 25 - Oops! Email : : NEW MESSAGE BOARD: : Old Message BORED: : Gift Shop September 24 - Tempting... I never thought I'd say it, but being a workaholic for 10 years has it's advantages... Provided I can one day get away long enough to enjoy them. Oh yeah, go play with the NEW MESSAGE BOARD. No ads, no lines, no waiting. Well, no posts either, but hopefully that'll change pretty soon... On the docket this week - updates to at least two columns, a magazine idea, a gratuitous cute brunette picture (It's G-rated, very nice, and she said I could post it, so get off my back) and a secret revealed. That update might better explain where I've been for the past week... Email : : Old Message BORED: : Gift Shop September 23 - Because everyone's asking anyways... Guess I should also apologize for being MIA for the past week. I was on vacation again, and spent most of my time online planning my next vacation. Normal people spend their working time planning their vacations, booking flights when the boss isn't looking. But I'm too honest. I hate that. But for what it's worth, I did do some site work over the break. I created a NEW MESSAGE BOARD. Those of you who hated the last one and stopped visiting it because of the out-of-control pop up ads will appreciate the new one. It's easy to navigate, has more features, and best of all, is 100% AD FREE. No banners, no pop-ups, nothing. Of course, it costs me money to run it now, but hey, anything for you people. If you head over there now, you don't even have to register. I'll leave both boards up for a little while longer, but if the new one works, I'll drop the old one pretty soon. Let me know what you think. Also caught the Tesla show on Saturday night. Those of you that missed it... You missed out big time. Tesla was INCREDIBLE. My ears are still ringing. Even Vince Neil was good. But I thought it was kinda funny... In Dokken, there was Don Dokken singing Dokken songs with a bunch of other guys. No Mick Brown, no Jeff Pilson, no George Lynch, no John Norum... Just Don. Then there was Vince Neil singing exclusively Motley Crue songs. Personally, I found it ironic that he had Brent Fitz and Jamie Hunting from Union in his band. Real 80s metal geeks like me know that Jamie and Brent play with John Corabi... who replaced Vince in Motley Crue several years ago. So we've got a Dokken tribute band with Don Dokken singing, and a Motley Crue tribute band with Vince Neil singing, when Vince's band is comprised of folks from the band whose singer once replaced him in the band whose songs are being featured exclusively. Everyone follow that? I'll just close out today's update with the following:  Email : : Message BORED: : Gift Shop September 17 - Running With The Devil
I just love the social psychology involved when someone can say something so absolutely offensive and still get a positive reaction, all the while maintaining an image of cheerful irreverence. Stephen Pearcy (who's booking himself as "Stephen Pearcy - The voice of Ratt" at the Roadhouse tonight. Should I go? Email : : Message BORED: : Gift Shop September 15 - I need help... Went in and worked a half day. Not only did I not get paid to do it, it cost me a full day of vacation pay. Oh well. I'm gonna have to start leaving town when I go on vacation. Maybe then I can actually forget about the things that I need to do and actually recharge a little.. Email : : Message BORED: : Gift Shop September 14 - Plug-o-rama First up is the Prince of 80s Metal. He's a former co-worker, and even though he doesn't mention Jetboy once on his site, he's started up his own page. Show a new guy some love. Go check him out at: http://www.geocities.com/fulchmeister. Warning - he's a Republican, so liberal-minded readers might consider skipping that one. Next, another friend wanted me to give a mention. He's a super-cool guy, and even though we have no musical common interests at all, we still manage to talk about a lot of music. Someday we'll find common ground. But in the meantime, you can see his site at: http://polchi8.tripod.com. Now that you've had your fun visiting personal websites, go do some good. Visit the Breast Cancer Site and donate a free mammogram to an underprivileged woman just by clicking. Doesn't cost you a thing, and every visit results in additional funding by sponsors. So click it. Now for some news... Longtime readers know all about my favorite radio show. It's 4 hours of classic hard rock, hosted by the always-cool Staci Anderson. I've plugged that show at least 17 million times, and will continue to do so... But that station switched formats a few weeks ago. It's now EXCLUSIVELY hard rock. Only one catch though... Staci's page has been moved, and the station website is under construction. As soon as it's done, I'll go back and fix the links. As far as I know, her show is still a hit and is still on Saturday nights from 8 to midnight. But just so none of my non-local readers who also happen to be long distance fans of the show start worrying when the links on this site don't work anymore, I'll go ahead and print some of an email I just got:
Fans and friends alike, WISH STACI LUCK! Last AND least... Remember my old buddy Johnson, that dude from Zimbabwe who wanted me to run his family fortune? Well, I've been bored lately, so I sent him another email. Anything to keep a joke running for FAR longer than it should. Anyhow, I just sent him the following:
I'll let you know if he ever responds... Email : : Message BORED: : Gift Shop September 13 - Scary thought Email : : Message BORED: : Gift Shop September 12 - America the Beautiful Sweet. China hates me and thinks I'm dangerous. Join the club, the line forms to the right. Oh well. Screw them and their stupid wall. Speaking of stupid... I couldn't help but notice the mass media rush to cash in on the events of September 11. You can buy books, videos, and all kinds of related merchandise. I saw a dvd collection of then-live news coverage, consisting of the most horrible footage caught on film. There was no analysis, no interview footage with political leaders, just hours of innocent burning bodies. Now it's bad enough that something like that would be manufactured. But what kind of sick bastard would want to buy it? Is there ANYONE who didn't see enough already? Personally, I find such footage very difficult to watch even in brief clips. Am I just missing something? Or is there some kind of college drinking game... "OK, everytime someone jumps out a window, you have to do a shot... Last one to shout "Bin Laden sucks" immediately afterwards has to do 2..." What's next? And why does commemoration always have to imply merchandising? And even when it does, why does the merchandise have to suck and be tasteless? If you really want to do your part, DON'T buy the collector's plates. Leave the books in the store. Buy an actual American flag, and not a hastily-scrapped-together t-shirt of the twin towers in the parking lot of your local supermarket, peddled by a non-English speaking opportunist. If you lost a loved one, honor their memory by cooking a favorite meal of theirs and sharing stories about them with your family and friends. Send money to a charity or a relief fund, not to the marketing department of some corporation that's already preparing red, white, and blue "We STILL Remember" signs for next year's campaign. I dread the day that September 11 becomes an afterthought of some idiot weatherman stating that "Things are sure looking great for the September 11 weekend, so if you're headed out of town, be sure to bring some extra sunblock" I've probably already pissed off a lot of people (China notwithstanding) by now, so I'd better get off of my soapbox... We'll return you to the usual assortment of bitching and complaining about substantially less important things tomorrow... Email : : Message BORED: : Gift Shop September 9 - Conspiracy Theory, Part 1 I think I might know. Speculation time: Osama bin Laden is dead. He was blown to pieces during a raid. I think we've got the proof. We've confirmed captures and/or kills on several of his alleged top-ranking aides. But we haven't even intercepted any communications from him recently. I also think George W. Bush knows that without a public enemy #1, our war on terrorism is a pretty silly concept, especially when he's all but based his presidency on it. Our economy also needs a kickstart, and our people need to know that we're moving forward. What better way than to go kick around the big dumb neighborhood loudmouth who loves mashing sand in the faces of perceived enemies? I mean, why not go after North Korea, China, or any of the other countries with notoriously evil human rights violations in their histories? They've both got nuclear capability and have been linked to bioterrorism experiments. Why not them? Because they could quite likely kick our asses. But Iraq? A pack of Cub Scouts could march in and take over that crappy little country. Don't get me wrong... I'm 100% supportive of 'ol Dubya thus far, I think he's handled foreign relations very well, and I also think he's got enough guts to take action when necessary. I do really believe that Saddam Hussein is a threat to American interests, and should be dealt with accordingly. But I just want to see the smoking corpse on CNN this time. THEN I'll invest my nest egg a little more aggressively. Email : : Message BORED: : Gift Shop September 8 - Sunday updates usually suck. Email : : Message BORED: : Gift Shop September 7 - Ethical dilemna Well, the guy gave me a new box. I checked all of my old channels, and sure enough, there they were. But after he left, I skimmed through a little more. After all, it had been months since I'd looked at anything more than the local news... I now have HBO. HB02. HBO3. Showtime. The Movie Channel. Cinemax. And quite possibly even more that I've yet to discover. I figured it was a free preview kind of thing. But it's been more than a week, and a friend of mine isn't getting any of those stations on her box. Now, the cable company has been on my short list for many years due to various sins and transgressions which need not be mentioned here. Rest assured that they are in fact IN THE WRONG on all of those accounts. And I have been overpaying for service I wasn't getting over the summer. But I still feel wrong for getting those channels. Half of me wants to call them and either bump up my plan to cover them, or tell them to shut off the channels because I'm not paying for them. The other half thinks that the first half of me is a giant wuss, and should try to hook it up in my bedroom, too. Who'll win? Stay tuned. But if you see me buying a new armoire for the bedroom, trust me. It's for sweaters. Email : : Message BORED: : Gift Shop September 6 - Timing is everything... In site news... The Happy Hour Chef has posted a new recipe and column. The other columns will all probably have new updates over the weekend as well. Might work on a re-design too - I'm almost to the point where working here for an hour generates more tangible results than busting my hump at my job for a week. Seems to be a common theme - things that should be important just aren't anymore, whereas my dumb little hobbies are much more rewarding and appreciated. Makes me wonder what I'd be capable of doing if I actually put effort into any of them... Also coming - another shameless plug for Chicks Who Rock, some random thoughts on recent news events, and a cute brunette update. Seems she was perusing the post from the other day while her boyfriend was in the room. If she doesn't think I'm a total whackjob by now, I'll be amazed. But I've gotta get to the bank, so that story is gonna have to wait. Email : : Message BORED: : Gift Shop September 4 - Sharing the wealth Working on some new merchandise for the Gift Shop. Thanks to the folks who've already bought t-shirts. I hope you like them. Send in a pic of yourself wearing one! Maybe there will be some prizes for the folks who do so. But I feel the need to AGAIN state that there are NO PROFITS for me from the sale of merchandise. It's only for giggles and grins (inside joke for one person who probably won't see it for a while). Added some more recent search engine submissions that resulted in visits to this site. I probably get more accidental hits than the Hempered Chef's house guests. The top requests this week were for "lynne koplitz pics", and for "sexy saudi girls". In other news, I got 237 hits from Saudi Arabia and from the United Arab Emirates so far this month. Don't believe me? Go see for yourself. It's good to know that a stupid humor site written by a resident of the Great Satan over here can attract perverts from the Middle East, too. See, we're not so different after all. I'll bet they're pretty disappointed though. But then again, none of the women featured on my site are wearing robes and head coverings, so maybe relatively speaking, I'm the Hugh Hefner of the Islamic world. Hey baby, nice ankles... Got a link request too... A friend of mine's brother just finished recording a guitar-rock cd. You can sample it at www.spiritualoctane.com. He's a cool guy, and even did the installation of the security cameras for our old record store. So go check him out, and tell 'em James sent you. Email : : Message BORED: : Gift Shop September 3 - Praise the Lard Email : : Message BORED: : Gift Shop September 2 - Doses of Neuroses So I get a phone call from that cute brunette*. We've actually become pretty good friends, and have hung out a few times, so this isn't too unusual. Well, aside from the fact that my phone is actually RINGING occasionally over the past few weeks, that is... When the phone rings, I'm playing my guitar. Because I love She wants to go shoot pool and hang out. Anyone who knows me knows that I am a full fledged, pool-sharking HUSTLA. I have been known to actually sink shots, sometimes as many as two a night. So I have no fear. More accurately - I HAD no fear... Then she said, "I'll come and pick you up. Where do you live?"
Off to take a cursory glance at my cd collection to figure out if I own the cd that contains her aforementined favorite song. If I do, I can figure out the song and play it later. I lean down to check the bottom shelf, hear a rip, and feel a breeze. Just what I needed. Back to my closet. Now mind you, I've already mentally accepted the outfit I had on, which is now completely mandatory in order for this evening to go well. I'd also been too busy to tackle the mounds of laundry that had piled up, so my choices are very limited. You'd think that by my age I'd be far past the point of complete neurotic self-criticism, and could just pick out a shirt and pants. Not a chance. So I grab my last pair of (hole-free) clean jeans. I'm now cursing myself for never trying anything on when I buy it, because these jeans do not fit at all. Add the fact that they were those sand-blasted, boot-cut style jeans, and I'm looking like some kind of hand-me-down hippie. Remember the directions I was giving a few paragraphs ago? THEY WERE WRONG. I had mistaken two parallel streets for each other, so the landmarks I mentioned to reference location, cross streets, and proximity to my home were innacurate. How I could screw up something this basic is beyond even me. But since my friend is quite intelligent, she managed to figure it out. I'm amazed that I actually remembered my wallet and house keys. I'm telling you, I have no idea why I'm still single after all these years... * In the interest of full disclosure, I should admit that she does have a boyfriend, and that I respect that. So even though this entry makes me look like an insecure idiot on a first date, I'm actually just an insecure idiot hanging out with a friend who also just happens to be female and cute. But the above indicators that I can be such a dumb clod probably demonstrate actual dating behavior pretty closely... Email : : Message BORED: : Gift Shop |
Well, I never thought I'd find myself a gossip topic. To tell the truth, I'm quite
mellow and boring in real life. But it seems there exists one issue that people have found intriguing. I'll go ahead
and say it here again, because I've gotten ridiculous amounts of email (and even a phone call from my mom!) regarding the
situation between me and 
At the risk of turning this stupid website into a political forum... Has anyone else noticed how infrequently Osama bin Laden
has been mentioned in the news lately? What happened to that "dead or alive" rhetoric we heard for so long? Why is Saddam
Hussein our big focus all of a sudden?
I am smooth. I have game. Anyone who doubts me need only read my account of the other
night, and be assured that I am a true player with a PhD in Pimp-nosis.
OH SHOOT! My house is a disaster! All those days of saying to myself, "I really need to clean this
place up... Naaahhh... I think I'll make a sandwich" are coming back to haunt me. So I'm giving her directions, all the
while dashing madly about the house, trying
to pick up my mess. I get it to the point of being somewhere between "shabby chic" and "toxic and dangerous". Such a fine line. But
at least I'm already dressed, having just gotten home from work and slipped into my last pair of good jeans. So I've got about
5 minutes to spare before she shows up.
