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July 23 - It's not that, um, "complicated". When Avril Lavigne blames CARBS for angst in her music, it would appear that I'd endorse an all-meat diet. After all, if carbs were responsible for that Pro-Tools enhanced, warbling monstrosity, we should do whatever we can to avoid that sort of thing repeating itself. And let's face it, meat is pretty freakin' yummy. But then I got to thinking... Maybe it's LOW CARB diets that cloud people's judgement so much that they'd actually think such a claim is reasonable. We've got a nation full of sheeplike victims that have been convinced that rice and apples are junk food, yet who also believe that the solution to their weight problems lies in low-carb ice cream. People pass up on orange juice and buy low-carb soda. Pasta is out in favor of entire packs of bacon. When are you gonna get it through your heads? There's no such thing as a bad food. There is such thing as a bad habit. Barring a legitimate medical reason (and "carb addiction" is NOT one of those) you can eat anything you want, whenever you want. Have a handful of M & M's for breakfast. Just make sure you have a salad for lunch. Eat an entire pizza on Saturday. But know that you'll have to hit the exercise bike for a little longer to help burn it off on Sunday, and that you should probably lay off the junk for a few days and eat some fruits and veggies to atone. There are a million different compromises you can make to accomodate cravings and satisfy nutrition requirements. Plus, your body will tell you exactly what it wants - listen to it. The ONLY way to get a healthy body is to eat a balanced diet and get plenty of exercise. Stop looking for shortcuts and fads. They'll only catch up with you later. It's not about the easy fix - if you want to change for the better, live a better life. Study after study has shown that fad diets DO NOT WORK in the long run - the only thing that works is eating better food and being more active. So for the love of God, stop wrapping your cheeseburgers with lettuce and calling that a healthy lifestyle change. Then again, all of this pending heart disease might make mall parking lots less crowded... So go protest the ridiculous mob mentality of the anti-carb idiots by wolfing down a dozen sugar bombs from Krispy Kreme, AND eat a bacon-wrapped hunk of brie. That'll show us... |July 19 - Politics simplified. So I live in California, where the people here got so mad at our last governor that we put Arnold Schwarzenegger in office. But rather than walk into the capitol building and just start blowing people away (which is what we were kinda hoping he'd do), he's decided to actually try to be a leader and a politician. Big mistake. Our state budget is late, and everybody's broke. In other states that would be bad news. But here, it's pretty much business as usual. Normally the budget gets passed about three years late, and we essentially put everything on a giant MasterCard in the meantime. Our frequent flier miles have gotta be adding up like crazy. Maybe that's why Arnold can commute from LA to Sacramento so easily. But since we actually expected some results from our new governor (what were we thinking?), we were kinda hoping that a budget could get passed on time. That would mean... well, actually we don't really know what that would mean. We can't pass our own personal budgets, and hardly bother to balance our own checkbooks. But we think politicians having budgets that pass on time (whatever that means) is a good thing. So does Arnold. Unfortunately, Arnold's got some enemies. He's got formidable foes in people who actually expect us to be able to spend $6 for every $1 we take in, and think that things like "streets" and "education" and "pay raises for legislators" are important to our society. So they're holding up the approval of the budget until Arnold breaks even more campaign promises. At a recent press conference, Arnold lashed out at them by calling them "wimps" and "girlie-men". Criticism was swift and sharp. I laughed my ass off. Now I ask you... who's nuts here? Arnold for actually saying what's been on all of our minds for years? The "offended" legislators who are trying to position the Governator's words as sexist, homophobic, misogynistic hate-driven rhetoric that require a formal apology and sensitivity training, yet who really are completely held in the pockets of special interests and are afraid to stand up to them? Californians in general for expecting progress from our politicians? Or you for reading this update and expecting some kind of insight from me? But one thing's for sure... I need to mail off my credit card bill too. It's late. |July 15 - All's well but me!  So no one goes to the gas chamber this week. Too bad. Getting the day off of work AND sending someone to jail sounds like a hell of a way to spend an afternoon. Not much else to report this week. I'm still sick, and haven't had much free time. Some things never change. |July 14 - Nasty Nasty Whoa... Did I really just endorse prison rape? If that rant doesn't get me kicked off of every jury in the country, I'll be shocked. Guess it's time for another dose of medication now... Off to my happy place. |July 13 - FJ.com High Holy Day! 
In honor of the release of Jimmy Buffett's "License To Chill" (funny... I think I've heard that expression somewhere before...), there will be no formal update today. Drink something frozen, wear a Hawaiian shirt, and embrace your tacky side. All clocks are set to 5 o'clock all day long - celebrate accordingly. |July 11 - *I* love when OTHER people do stupid things! Looks like the forums are poised for yet another pointless showdown. I'll have to make a note to try to remember to care about it sometime. New visitors who only show up to sling mud and talk smack - please remember that most of my regulars grew up posting on the AOL message boards back in the day. So in the world of internet fighting, this IS the ghetto. Lock your windows. Speaking of locking windows... The latest round of stalker crap is *screaming* to be sold online. Warm up your bidding fingers - you won't want to miss this one. I showed it to a coworker who nearly pissed himself laughing at it. I'll probably put that up this week, and then start clearing out everything else - even the tapes. I need to get rid of this crap. Don't worry... I'm still gonna donate everything to WEAVE... I haven't gone over just yet because I want to combine all of the proceeds and make one lump donation. The last two auctions and the handful of donations I received didn't add up to a whole lot. Though I'm thankful to those who bid, donated, and won, I still want to bump up the total a bit more before I drive over there and drop off a check. I think there's only about $50 or so in the account right now. So watch for one more round of stalker auctions/shameless pleas for cash to begin soon. I was originally gonna tear into somebody on the front page today, but I don't feel like it right now. I've granted a temporary reprieve until all of the facts are in. But rest assured, someone has pissed me off tremendously and if my initial impression is correct, is in dire need of a major bitch-slap. We'll see what happens this week. But just so I don't have to end this post on such a hostile note... The Roadhouse is still the coolest club ever. As always, Jack Russell and Great White were in top form and put on a great show. It was the owner's birthday, so the mood was even more festive then usual... Go check out his band's website and support local music! One more question... Did anyone out there make it to the Mojo Gurus shows in LA? |July 8 - People love it when I do stupid things. I was unpacking some wooden crates at work. They were nailed together, and inside each crate were some heavy things that I needed. Rather than just take them all apart joint by joint, I briefly thought it to be a good idea if I were to kick and/or break one of the sides, knocking it loose enough to dismantle the joints more easily. Normally, this approach works quite well. But me, being an idiot, (and normally only dismantling things held together less sturdily) didn't realize that the frame I was trying to break was still attached at the top on the other side. So I stepped inside and... Long story short - the side I kicked set into motion one of the unbreakable laws of physics - every action has an equal and opposite reaction. So the other side (the one behind me) collapsed onto my head, with the full force of my kick. Lesson learned - I now know what it's like to be struck from behind with a baseball bat. That cartoon trick where the butterflies spin around your head? It's real. I remember being dizzy and disoriented for about an hour, and have a real nice lump on the top of my head now. Note to self - no hair styling tomorrow. Sometimes it amazes me that I've lived as long as I have. In less stupid news, it's my brother's birthday today. Post a greeting on the forums, so that he won't notice that I've yet to go to the post office to mail his present. Of course, that's probably for the best... Who knows how much damage I could inflict upon myself there? |July 7 - Remember Me? That's when I'll get back to work again. In other news, if you're in the L.A. area tonight, go check out the Mojo Gurus at the Cat Club. If you'll still be in the neighborhood tomorrow, go check 'em out at the Viper Room. In still other news, I've got one more show to plug - Great White returns to the Roadhouse on July 10. That's already a good show. PLUS, one of my other favorite local groups, Barking At Flies is one of the opening bands. Get there early. |July 6 - Great week for metal!
When I think about it, I can't remember the last time three metal bands that had success in the 80's put out quality albums at the same time. Hell, I don't remember three metal bands that had success in the 80s putting out quality albums at the same time IN THE 80s. So this is a pretty important month. |July 2 - Bad ideas. The phone in the office was a pay phone. Really. There wasn't a "regular" phone in the place. The employee was in the office, using a pay phone for work. Does this seem unusual to anyone else? Is this restaurant chain so ridiculously cheap that they won't even spring for a phone line in their building? Or are they so mistrustful of their employees that they take such steps to ensure personal phone calls can never be made on the company's dime? I don't know the logic behind such a decision. But I do know one thing... If I ever decide to rob the place, I'm taking their change so they can't call the cops. I'm also working on a new advertising campaign. I got the idea from a tv show, where it was stated that teenage smoking is at an all time low. Now I'm not a smoker, nor am I fan of smoking. But I am a fan of more people killing themselves. All the less traffic for me when I commute home... Anyhow, I'd really like to try to get more kids hooked on smoking at the earliest age possible. Social Darwinism will take over, the weak minded will succumb to the allure and the weak-bodied will perish. So in that spirit, I'd like to offer up the first promotional graphic for my new campaign - "Smoking - It's Still Cool." 
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