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June 28 - Useless Filler But even if it doesn't, who cares? In other news, I'm running late for work. |June 26 - My Website Rules. But popular site or not, I was going through the forums and the comments on the daily updates (which I suck at getting back to reading, and suck even more at responding) and noticed something... This is a pretty cool little virtual neighborhood. Where else can you go to get connections for tickets to Mojo Gurus concerts, the history of Jupiter, FL, and the chance to talk politics with Gail Worley? In addition, there's a ton of fun stuff that other people bring to the forums. If I didn't run this site, I might actually hang out here. In other news... Updated the Playlist. That was fun. I'm also thinking about throwing a little get-together. I've got some books I need to get rid of, and was thinking about having a theme party for it. The theme? An Old Fashioned Book Burning. A celebration of censorship through the ages, paying tribute to the Spanish Inquisition and the PMRC. I'd really love to do it in a church parking lot just for effect, but that's probably not likely. Everyone I've mentioned it to has been utterly horrified at the idea, but that's one of the reasons it's so damn funny. I'd love to print flyers reading, 'Book Burning! Friday at 8'. Who'd come to that? I'll bet we could be on the news, until the reporter interviews me and I explain that I'm just cleaning out my closet. Y'know, in the spirit of true oppressive censorship, I debated leaving the "footprints" part turned off for this entry... But my benevolence got the best of me. For now... |June 25 - Another Contest! Not too long ago, I got an email informing me of some California dates, and they asked me to help 'em give away some tickets. These are showcase gigs, which means you will see them at their best - there will be record company honchos in attendance, and the band will be trying to score a deal. If you'll be in the L.A. area on July 7 or 8, you can check out one of Florida's coolest bands in some of Hollywood's hottest clubs, on their way up. Even if you've never heard of 'em, at least you can stand at the spot where River Phoenix assumed room temperature, and where Johnny Depp used to extinguish cigarettes. All you have to do is click on that logo in the features column, and follow the directions. And just in case you're not the sharpest knife in the drawer, I'll go ahead and repeat all of the links one more time:
Mojo Gurus(official site)
I totally back these guys, so it's worth your while to catch 'em live. If you can't make it, at least go check out the websites listed above. |June 21 - This IS your parent's KISS. So when I noticed that floor seats were still available just days before the show in Concord, CA last night, I jumped on 'em. Luckily, I was dead center, about 4 rows back from the folks who paid upwards of $250 for seats through their oft-criticized "package" deals. Though I'll admit being 20 rows back was a bit anticlimactic compared to last year's 2nd row seat, it's still the show of a lifetime. I got there just in time to see Poison take the stage. Though I once hated them, I've really grown to like them over the years. Rikki is no slouch of a drummer. They might have started out as a triumph of image over substance, but they've grown into a tight unit and really deliver the goods. Bret Michaels might be (and let's be honest... probably is) bald as an eagle underneath that bandanna, but his lucky Midwestern yokel, gee-shucks persona is perfect for starting off the night. He's invited to any summer BBQ I throw. Though Poison played a pretty short set, especially compared to their headlining tours of the past few summers, it was still a blast. They focused on greatest hits, deviating from MTV flashback moments only for longtime show opener "Look What The Cat Dragged In". Short but sweet. Then came KISS. They've changed a LOT. The stage itself wasn't new, but they've added a ton of video screens which make for an overwhelming sensory experience. Gone is Peter Criss and his tepid pace, making room for the addition of Eric Singer. Gone is Ace Frehley's character sloppiness, making room for former road manager Tommy Thayer. Eric and Tommy's musically muscular addition mean that the tired old setlist, the one that had been set to autopilot for the better part of 10 years, had to be scrapped as well. Though I still maintain that nothing will ever beat Gene, Paul, Ace, and Peter at their prime, and that I'd still prefer that new characters be created if KISS insists on going forward without the original 4 members, I have to give them credit for reworking the live arrangements to take advantage of Eric and Tommy's competencies. Skipped this tour because you thought you'd seen and heard it all before? check out the setlist: Love Gun
Not bad at all. Insert about 200 million Paul Stanley "How ya doin, people?" and "I can't hear you"s, and add a dash of Gene "Oh yeah? Oh yeah?"s, you'll have a pretty good idea what you're in for. Classic Kiss, with a twist. And of course, there were new things to buy at the merch booth. Last night's mandatory parting with discretionary income was the result of a partnership with InstantLive. For $25, I got a double-cd of the night's concert immediately after the show. I bought my own copy of Alive 5, and I was there. It's actually pretty cool to listen to the concert you just saw on the drive back home! I don't know if any of you remember my prediction a while back about Kiss getting the idea to record and release entire tours, but it's happening now. I'd try to claim enormous royalties, but each show is limited to less than 500 copies. I don't think there's a lot of money made off of these. That's why the t-shirts are $40. Either way, I'm glad I went. Kiss has always been a heavy metal Tale Of Two Cities for me - they're the worst of times, because I've seen the wizard behind the curtain and know that he's really just a bunch of aging folks suckling what little milky relevance remains from the emaciated bosom of pop culture. But they're the best of times because when the curtain goes down and the flash pots start exploding, you forget all of that and remember what's truly important. Rock N Roll All Nite, and Party Every Day. Until Monday, of course. |June 19 - Tesla-monials Had another pretty cool thing happen... A few days ago, I got a call from the Sacramento Bee requesting verification of something I'd written. Of course, I gave it. Here's what they did with it. Pretty cool, if you ask me. As for Tesla, yet another great performance. While I was walking around afterwards looking for someone, I even got recognized from this site. Weird. He walked up and said, "Jesse James? You have an awesome site." Oh well. Can't win 'em all. But if you're still out there, thanks for saying hello. The only thing that ruined the experience was the fact that it was a general admission show. Maybe I'm just getting old, but general admission sucks. I don't mind when it gets a little crowded, I have no problem with people throwing up their hands and singing along, screaming, and enjoying the show. But I HATE it when the shirtless idiots with stupid, crooked, misspelled tattoos, reeking of bad pot and domestic beer, shove people around and pick fights. I just never understood that mentality. Personally, I go there to watch (a) the band and (b) the girls the band attracts. The end. I don't want to have to watch some oversized smelly dipshit to avoid getting knocked over. And I *really* don't want to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and get bounced for hitting back when he tries to knock out my teeth. At least it shows that Tesla's committed to keeping ticket prices reasonable, unlike the other band I'm going to see. Tesla was always more of a blue collar, working class kind of band anyways. I always thought they were heirs to classic rock's throne, and the next logical step after Led Zeppelin, Aerosmith, and Van Halen. They got lumped into that "hair band" category, when the only thing they really had in common with it was a record deal in 1987. Even then, they were always seen as image-less, and more concerned with making records than with glamming it up. It's ironic that they get lumped in with the Wingers of the world now, when they were recognized as the polar opposites of that scene then. Either way, "Into The Now" is over 100,000 copies, which is pretty incredible for a hard rock band on a small label. I hope it catches another wave as they keep touring. And everyone who reads this site really needs to catch them when they hit your town. |June 14 - My heart bleeds for you, Lars. I just hope he's got soundproofing - that's the only environment in which that godawful St Anger cd should be played. |June 13 - Failure is not an option - it's a requirement Moving on. Site business first - the Concert page has been updated with Gary Hoey pics from last week's show at The Roadhouse. Go check 'em out - some of them actually came out pretty good. He's a really cool guy, and an amazing guitar player, so if you've never heard him before, take a few to go listen. Then come back here. I'm not going anywhere. Speaking of not going anywhere...  Bands reunited! One night only! For onion rings! Will play for food! But seriously... VH1 couldn't have planned this any better. We all actually ended up in the same room together, which may be the only time that ever happens again, as we all live pretty far apart now. To make a boring story long, once upon a time Dave and I were writing songs together. Well, I don't really know if you could call it "writing songs", more like "bitching about how much the parts written by the other person sucked". While this was happening, Dave was playing in a band of sorts with Mark (second from left), the Council of Elrond. They needed some guitar tracks and bass tracks for a song they'd written, and asked me and Sean (the dude to my right in the pic) to come in and do 'em. We did. The song was recorded, but never released. I kinda lost touch with the rest of them, and then the Council split up when Dave moved away. My affiliation with him ended due to the age-old "musical and personal differences" cliche. You see, Dave and I had absolutely nothing in common. He's Beatles, I'm Stones. He's lyrical, I'm musical. He hated the blues, I hated folk. He didn't think Butch Walker is a genius, I can't even stomach Leonard Cohen. He's a liberal Midwesterner, I'm a conservative Southerner. We had absolutely no common ground AT ALL. Well, I guess there was one thing...  So when I heard Dave was gonna be back in town for one night, I *had* to make sure this girl was invited to be there too. She was actually the (unintentional) inspiration for our creations! We even played the songs for her in person back in the day, neither of us acknowledging the source. And she didn't know it either! (Guess she does now... oops...) Maximum awkwardness for all! As they say in the world of the sitcom - insert tension, hilarity ensues. I wish I could report that tension caused hilarity. But sadly, we all got along very well. Even then, when things had potential to be a little less cordial. But dammit, we were all mature adults and we both pretty much knew that neither of us had a snowball's chance in hell anyways... At least that's what we told ourselves. The only hilarity was the result of genuine humor. Too bad we couldn't have done some drugs when we were writing together - we sure made for one lousy Behind The Music episode. So Where Are They Now? Dave lives in Ohio, and has some technical computer dealie thing going on. Mark lost a ton of weight, designed some websites, and is likely plotting to destroy the world. He's quite capable of it too - his technical background is very extensive. Sean is a guitar teacher now, and recently got married. You all know what became of me. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. But one thing's for sure - she's still hot, and I'm still an idiot. Even though it's been years, and she probably wouldn't cross the street to spit on me even if I were on fire, I'd still drink her bathwater. (And if you're out there somewhere, before you go and file a restraining order against me - keep in mind this *is* supposed to be a humor site, so don't worry - I'm still stable... as far as you know...) |June 9 - Expert Advice... I think it's dangerous for self-proclaimed "Metal Experts" to go around spouting off. There needs to be some regulation so as to ensure that the "Metal Experts" aren't just a bunch of free promo cd grubbin' clingers and hangers on. Dammit, I've got YEARS of experience sitting around at home listening to records that I scooped ice cream to buy... reading magazines that I stuffed envelopes to get money to purchase ... skipping school to listen to new records... (sorry Mom)... I never got a job at some metal mag just to pad my resume and work towards a gig hosting The Fifth Wheel. Dammit, it was more important to Dial MTV and request KISS songs. (sorry about that too, Mom) There needs to be some criteria to judge the worthiness of these "expert" claims. And as the reigning King of 80s Metal, I think that I'm the one to set the standard. So I'm working on a little test. Watch for it to pop up in the near future. If you pass it, you will be certified as the genuine article, and will have free reign to speak to the media about all things metal. If you see folks without FJ-80sRNR certification, you will have to proceed at your own risk with the understanding that they are not yet recognized by the King. I've even been credited with some of the fun over at Chicks Who Rock's trivia page. So you know that I'm not fooling around - I am a total geek when it comes to 80s metal. If you want 'em, I'll even go back and dig up all of my qualifications. Though my Playlist and the Concert Gallery should be proof enough... I've already been acknowledged by the Mighty Lambchop. As such, I offer to her complete and total authority over all things 90s black/death metal related. Rule malevolent(creation)ly. As for the rest of you, I will be splitting up the Kingdom into other parcels for your control, so feel free to try to earn recognition for knowledge of a band/genre based upon your testing scores. This could actually be pretty cool. |June 8 - What an asshole. Only an asshole could produce a piece of shit like this. No link provided, 'cause I don't want any responsibility for you people going out and buying it. Really. It's that bad. Even the liner notes are full of misspellings and grammatical incorrectness. Sloppy and erratic. Did you ever watch the old guy at the party trying to be cool? Playing around and acting like he fits in, even though everyone (including him) knows that he doesn't? That's this album. Only Gene really thinks that he still fits in. Oh sure, he's still got his Polaroids, but frankly, if the cover models of the cd are indicative of the quality of woman that still go for him, he can keep 'em. To be fair, there are some interesting moments on the album. The title track, if performed by ANYONE else, would probably be a cult hit. There are some nice arrangements on the ballads. But Gene's voice just doesn't match the music. There are only a few brief moments in which Gene even sounds vaguely inspired - on the album's first song, "Sweet & Dirty Love", (which I enjoyed more when it was Queen's 'Tie Your Mother Down') he has his growl. It almost sounds Kiss-like. Of course, that's no surprise, because Bruce Kulick and Eric Singer played guitar and drums on the track. But on the verses of the title track, Gene sounds like he's just reading. Terrible delivery. Sadly, this trend continues for most of the album's duration. The cd should only be called "Asshole" because that's where it belongs. And if it escapes, flush it. Gene - call Paul. Apologize for being distracted, and get back to work on KISS. |June 6 - Who Wants To Make Me A Millionaire? Of course, there's a catch... I've got no verifiable experience in anything but pushing a mop. Oh sure, I can "proactively manage both personnel and expenses, maximizing productivity in a mutually beneficial specialty environment", and can always go back to that "Cum Laude Degree in Communications and Psychology from an internationally-accredited university" but everyone knows that most of that stuff is bullshit. And honestly, I've learned much more screwing around on my own time than I ever did in school or at a training seminar. So is there anyone out there who would be willing to come forward as a faithful FJ.com reader, verify my greatness, and testify on my behalf to my potential future boss that I am actually more than worthy of the company's highest paid position? And if not, would you at least be willing to help pass around my second stalker auction? I promise I'll share more stupidly brilliant ideas that have polluted my mind over the past few weeks if you do... Maybe I'll even update the merchandise in the gift shop, and comp you something... |June 5 - Sad Day For America  Say what you will about conservative politics, but Ronald Reagan picked this country up by the bootstraps when we needed it most. To me, he was the epitome of the Great American President, and no one since is worthy of shining his shoes. |June 3 - When life gives you lemons... I make a lot of jokes on the site, but this is one thing I'm serious about doing, and doing right. Even though I try to put a lighthearted spin on my personal situation, it is something that has caused a great deal of discomfort over the years. It is something I want to rectify, and I honestly want to do whatever I can to ensure that that these kind of things don't happen to other people. And if I can make you laugh AND help out some folks who really need it, we all win. |June 2 - This is just a test... Keep in mind that I've no plans to scrap the forums anytime soon, and all off-topic discussion is not only allowed, it's encouraged. I'm the lamest moderator in history, so go ahead and sling some virtual mud. Or exchange sewing tips... I could care less. I just want to see if everything works, and I've now officially written enough to qualify this entry as an update. Email is still kinda spotty, so if you sent something and didn't get a response, one of two things happened - (1) It didn't go through or (2) I deleted it without reading it because it didn't interest me. Hey, at least I'm honest... |June 1 - License To Chill. But since I live for the summertime, the vibe around here is gonna change a bit. So call in sick to work, kick off your shoes, grab your favorite cold beverage, and chill with me underneath a virtual shady palm tree for the next few months. But don't forget to shake the sand from your toes before you head back to work, and please remember to use sunscreen - beach foot is hard to explain when you told your boss that you had the flu. But as long as I've got your attention, I'll share one of my little pranks... Some of you might know that I've still got an AOL account. For fun, I registered it as a business. As such, every so often, AOL bombards me with questions about my "marketing habits". Then when a few million other suckers answer the questions, AOL bombards me with the "marketing habits" of my fellow AOL-using business compatriots. Of course, anyone who still uses AOL as a business tool and seeks marketing advice from folks like "HotGrl76398" probably shouldn't be running their own business anyways. Anyhow, when I logged in last, I was greeted with the following pop-up:  COOL! An interactive business-related forum, where I can pick up excellent internet marketing tips from famous webmasters like "ravenfthr". Of course, I figured that I should participate too! After all, I actually run a website! Though I wouldn't call it "successful", it certainly hasn't done too badly. Plus, I'd have NEVER thought to check my spelling or grammar before I tried to communicate professionally. So I clicked the "Add Your Comment" button and offered up a tip that most internet business owners might not consider:  It was up for a day or so in their gallery. I wonder how many millions of people saw it. But I guess someone complained. That's too bad, because I had some more really good suggestions for them. Unfortunately, when I tried to log in to share my other "secrets", I received this:  Busted. But then again, my suggestion probably wasn't specific enough anyways. Maybe next time... | |
Kiddie Pool Features
Summer Vacation
Bahamians Online
Snacks
Cabos Grill
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Well, my 
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