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February 28 - Why I do this... Go check out the cd. This cd should've been huge. Sadly, it'll probably be the last Lizzy Borden cd. Since the death of Alex Nelson, the surviving members have resurfaced as a new band called Starwood. They're good, but Lizzy Borden was truly one of the great underrated bands of history, so Lizzy and the gang have some pretty big shoes to fill. |February 27 - I'm not a total failure, but I'm trying. A buck. 100 pennies. The amount by which I cleared the profit line is exactly one dollar. Hey, that's two pounds of bananas. Maybe I should frame 'em. Guess it's time for some new merchandise - I hadn't been over there for quite a while, and a lot of the stuff that's currently for sale is kinda, umm, shitty. Oh well... There'll be some cool stuff up soon. Ideas abound, even if implementation flounders. In other news, I've come to the conclusion that I need a boat and a surfboard. I've got a little experience with both, but it's been years since I've had any meaningful exposure to either... I've gone on vacations and tinkered with each, and have coveted a boat for many years. But now it's time to find another mountain to climb and make it a permanent addition (addiction?) to my life. Of course, all of these mountains to climb pose significant obstacles to gainful employment. But the way I look at it - I didn't move here to work. I moved here to live the island life. And the island life isn't found in a cubicle, trading overtime hours for uncollected dollars. Wage slaves don't get to sip margaritas on the beach on a Wednesday. I want you to think about that - how many hours do you normally put into your workweeks? How often do you skip lunch because you're afraid to rock the boat and nourish yourself, which only leads to feeling tired, overeating later, falling asleep with a full, fat belly and cheating yourself out of time to have fun? Dammit, I've been salaried and I know that biweekly paychecks always credit you with 80 hours for the period. Why are you working 100? You're not getting paid an extra 20%. Why work it? And why can't you work 60 when the workload is slow? Simple - the workload never decreases. So stop stressing about it. Get off of the treadmill, and take back your life. Mentally quit your job. I'm not advocating going in, announcing this plan, and telling your boss to shove it - give 100% while you're there, but don't feel guilty about enjoying the time that you're not. STOP going in all the time unless it's your name on the sign outside. To borrow a phrase I heard in college - You can always retake a class, but you can never relive a party. The world is a playground, not an office. And THAT my friends, is the key to happiness. |February 24 - They're not here. Deal with it. I'm here to tell you right now - there are no aliens visiting the Earth. The US government is not hiding alien bodies, and they have not recovered alien spacecraft. Why am I so certain that such a bold statement could be made? Because we're idiots. Our government can't understand that when you run out of money, you have to stop spending. Hell, they're incapable of keeping testimony from Michael Jackson's preliminary hearings secret. Do you really think they could pull off a 50-year old coverup? If the Democrats thought it could get them into the White House, John Kerry would show up tommorrow with an alien corpse in a Hefty bag. If the Republicans thought that they could make money off of it, they'd have aliens testifying before Congress and lobbying for tax cuts. Plus, any alien civilization would surely ignore us. With all of our bothersome, intrusive, one-way junk machines polluting the solar system in search of unfocused pictures of extraterrestrial rocks, we'd surely be very unwelcome. We've also been broadcasting untargeted messages into outer space, to no one, hoping that someone will pick up on them. In a cosmic sense, we're dialing random frequencies and going door-to-door soliciting our presence. We're the telemarketers of the universe. And THAT is why they're not coming here. If they're really millions of years ahead of us, surely they've got caller ID. |February 23 - Variations on a theme....
the scariest part... SOMEONE has to be falling for this shit or else I wouldn't get 20+ emails like this every day. Got to give those wacky Nigerians some credit though... the whole "Help a US soldier who's stealing money from Saddam Hussein launder it for a cut" thing is a great angle. Linking to a BBC article was also a nice touch. But can anyone spot the mistake that gave it away? If not, kindly send me your contact information and I'll cut you in for a share too... |February 20 - Live in concert... I also couldn't help but notice that all of those arena shows multiplied by the average price of tickets roughly correlates to me eating way too many beans-and-rice dinners. Thank goodness it's one of my favorite meals. In other news, FJ Radio will undergo another playlist reorganization this week. I tend to listen to a little of everything from the metal world, so the playlist reflects my current listening habits. I dug up some old school thrash cds, and figured that bands like Exodus, Slayer, Anthrax, and Metallica were under-represented. For those unfamiliar with the great metal schisms of the 80s, one of the great rivalries was the "Glam" vs "Thrash" battle. Think of it as the 80s metal version of the East Coast vs West Coast rap feud. The glam bands wanted to party and get laid. The thrash bands wanted to be taken a little more seriously and bang their heads in unison. I never understood that feud - I liked partying AND banging my head, so I kinda got left out of both sides. I liked Poison too much to be accepted by the hardcore metalheads, but I liked Slayer too much to ever get normal chicks to like me. Anyhow, the playlist will be on the heavy side this week. So turn up your computer speakers and mosh in your office. I'll leave a few standards in the mix too just to make sure your monitor doesn't start melting. |February 18 - Motley Crue Vs Florida... But disposable cameras just don't work in arenas. These pics absolutely suck. I didn't want to risk getting bounced, so I was snapping them very fast and was unable to concentrate on getting decent shots. Plus, I didn't want to lose a good camera to security goons so I just snuck in my disposable... Anyways, here are the shots that will be grudgingly admitted into a mandatory Concert Gallery update... 
 For those curious... Vince sounded incredible. It was easily the best Vince performance I've seen in years, plus he was energetic and seemed genuinely happy to be on stage. Nikki was the consumate rock star, and his ratty, mistimed bass playing always makes you wonder exactly when Motley Crue will sonically derail itself, even though the train doesn't leave the, um, "tracks". Mick was solid and gave 110%, but his 110% effort is sadly a shell of what he used to be. He really looks sick and seemed to have a hard time walking the stage. Tommy took a while to warm up to everything - he's one of the most talented drummers in the business, but Motley's first set found him largely silent and in the shadows. He did warm up to Nikki's "titty-cam" though. The show was over 2 hours long, with about a 15 minute intermission. Tommy and Nikki both did solos, and the setlist was as follows (Only the first and last songs are accurate - the rest was from memory, so forgive me for not writing it all down...)
I'd give them a B-minus for this show. There were a lot of mistakes made, and overall, some missed cues and synch-errors, especially at song's end. Plus, Vince fell down (believe it or not, he wasn't drunk) during one of the songs. But a lot of that was beginning-of-tour sloppiness that will surely get worked out as they play together more. My only major criticism - drop the claymation intro/intermission movies. They really don't add anything to the concert experience, and personally, I'd rather hear another song or longer solos from the band members instead. They'd be cool on a dvd or something, but I found them kinda juvenile and inconsistent. The theme of the tour is circus-oriented, with mad clowns and Strip-Du-Soleil sideshow acts, but the movies are more based on a loosely organized storyline of an asteroid approaching the earth, with Motley Crue trying to save the planet. That would have made more sense on the "Motley Crue vs The Earth" tour a few years ago. If you don't have tickets, get 'em. The show was definitely worth it, and I'd go see them again in a heartbeat. |February 16 - South Florida Bound! It's also tax time. Should I bring a laptop and do my taxes on the beach? |February 13 - Place your bets... On the side of rock n roll, you've got one of the most genre-defining metal bands ever to exist, reuniting all original members for one last big tour. Awesome! On the side of reason, you've got three guys in their 40s (and one in his 50s, in poor health) who hate each other but will put aside differences for one last cash grab. Weak! For the record, I'm betting on Keri Kelli replacing Mick, Vince throwing the first punch in Atlanta, and for Tommy to do a scratching portion in his drum solo, making the "I.A.G." count sure to range from 30-40. But even though it has "train wreck" written all over it (which is pretty much par for the course in the Motley Crue camp), I'm still an idiotic fanboy and will most certainly raise my hands to rock. No matter how many stupid mistakes they make, I still have Nikki Sixx pictures hanging on the wall of my studio, and will NEVER take them down. As a matter of fact, I listened to "Red, White and Crue" almost every day last week. I bought my tickets weeks ago, and could hardly be more excited about a rock show. But strictly from a logical standpoint... I give this tour about 2 and a half hours. |February 11 - New site feature! Or you can try to jump directly into the chatroom by clicking here. All you have to do is register a username with www.ezboard.com and you're set. Questions? Email me. |February 10 - VH1 - Officially out of ideas.
Watch for the rest of their summer lineup including "I Love the 90s Even More" and "Me Too! I Also Married Vince Neil". Personally, I think they should try to write a show called "I Love The Future", where Chris from O'Donnellweb and I could reminisce about events that are yet to happen. Then, we could copyright the trademarks of the 2010's and cash in when people pick them up. I'd start by offering... "Hey, remember when everyone was listening to FJ Radio and wearing FJ swag? Then he'd add, "Yeah, and you could see a horseshue hanging just about everywhere! Those were the days!" Hey, I'm sure we'd be more entertaining than another program dedicated to nostalgia from just 5 years ago. Speaking of FJ Radio (and nostalgia), the playlist has undergone another drastic revamp. I picked up a ton of cds from Dynasty Metal Music, the official online music store of FJ.com. Many thanks to them for stocking the good stuff and getting it to me so quickly - I definitely recommend them to anyone looking for quality metal. Check 'em out, and tell 'em James sent you. The adds for the month include:
That's enough work for one day. I'm off to the beach now. |February 9 - Retirement for Dummies. I've been hard up for money before, I've eaten the 10 for $10 Banquet tv dinners, and I've survived on $5.15/hour and a maxed-out credit card. Believe me, I know how scary it is to be financially unstable, and I deeply feel for anyone who finds themself on a run of bad financial luck. I'm very thankful that I've been lucky enough since then to turn things around. But one of the people bitching was a former executive, who chose to take an early retirement pension plan at 54, after making $70,000/year in his former position. Presumably, he'd been making executive-level income for many years, and was now bitter about surviving on $11/hour. This is why I hate white people. First, $11/hour is livable if you're not an idiot and don't have youthful stupidity bills to pay off. By your late 50s, the house should be nearly paid off, and you should have been investing since your early 20s, giving you a sizable nest egg for living expenses. What I wanna know is... How can a guy like me, who's *never* made 70,000/year, with little financial acumen and no training, have a projected retirement balance of almost 2 million dollars by that guy's age? And what the hell was this loon buying while he was in his 30s and 40s to piss away that much money? But most of all, why would anyone feel sorry for him and consider his story "lamentable" when he made twice as much as the average American, frittered it away, and still earns a livable wage (especially if he has a wife who works too)? FJ.com readers, here's the secret to financial security - (1) Pay off your credit cards. (2) Start a 401k or an IRA, and have automatic deductions from your paycheck fund these accounts. (3) Visit www.vanguard.com and open an account with them. (4) Have small amounts (even $25 will add up) pulled from your savings/checking account every two weeks. Trust me - just do it for a few years. Then when you wake up with an "extra" $10,000, hopefully that'll inspire you to be a little more frugal with your everyday lives. Most importantly, if you can't pay for it, you don't need it! Sorry it's not glamorous, but the truth is - it doesn't matter how much you have. What matters is how long you let it grow. Make it an automatic process and then you won't be able to cheat yourself, and you also won't have to worry about anything. |February 6 - Yeah, but where's your hot running water?  First, any country that considers Jerry Lewis a comedic genius is automatically disqualified from humorous writing. Second, French food really sucks. Yeah yeah yeah, tell me about historical fine French cuisine. But remember - ANYTHING tastes great when you fry it in three pounds of butter. They eat SNAILS, for cryin' out loud. The only "French" food worth a damn is "fries", and even those are pretty worthless without a gigantic AMERICAN cheeseburger accompanying them. There's a reason why AMERICA is the fattest country on Earth. Our food kicks ass. We're fat because we eat a lot. We eat a lot because our food is awesome. The French can claim culinary supremacy when they can beat us at gluttony. Not a chance. Try again, pastryheads. Let's also compare some things that the French have given us with some things that America has given the world...
But most importantly, the French gave us this:  The Statue of Liberty. A symbol of freedom from oppression and tyranny. Here's what we gave the French:  ACTUAL FREEDOM FROM OPPRESSION AND TYRANNY. Think about it before you look down your noses at us. |February 4 - "Flick Of The Switch" Appreciation Day. From "Rising Power" to "Guns For Hire", from the title track to "Nervous Shakedown", Angus and crew deliver an overflowing bowlful of rock soup. Like a good soup, it's not overly complex nor even terribly surprising, but it fills you up and leaves you satisfied like nothing else can. Go get AC/DC's "Flick of the Switch" and a big box of crackers. You'll thank me later. |February 2 - Dirty Laundry Hell, anyone can make themselves look like a supermodel with some special software. But I dare say that no one has ever compiled a gallery of absolutely terrible pictures of themself and intentionally showed it to others. (Offer not valid in Gene Simmons' house from 1985-1989) So here it is, the Gallery Of Shame. Bro - trust me. No one is laughing at you as much as they're about to laugh at me. |
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