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August 31 - What's the point? But what's the logic of breaking into Circuit City and stealing dvd players? No one in New Orleans will have power for a month, and last time I checked, Playstations don't work when the electricity is off and water covers up the tv. Jewelry has no value when there's nowhere to resell it, and cash has no value when looting runs rampant and the authorities are more focused on survival themselves. |August 30 - These should piss some people off...     | August 28 - Get out!  Believe me, despite my irreverence, I am painfully aware of what a major hurricane can do. I've been fortunate enough to have only dealt directly with minor ones, even if I've been in the cone of uncertainty more times than I care to count. I'm deeply concerned because New Orleans as we know it will no longer exist in 36 hours. Louisiana's building codes are FAR less strict than those in Florida, and we've all seen the images of Category 5 Andrew. To say the least, this is gonna be pretty ugly and will probably make Andrew look like a summer thunderstorm. But those of us who choose to live near the ocean have to understand the risks we take. If you live within 50 miles of the ocean, you WILL have to deal with a hurricane in your lifetime. Fortunately, we live in an age where we will almost always have enough advance warning to leave. But every one of us who lives near the ocean (especially those of us surrounded by it...) has to take ownership of our situation and responsibility for our lifestyle choice. And keep those insurance premiums paid... I'll also make a prediction - this is the storm that will kill someone in the media. Some jackass will be standing in the middle of the French Quarter with a camera, trying to demonstrate to folks in Iowa why it's important to be in a safe shelter, all on the orders of some suit in Atlanta seeking ratings. Please, if anyone from the media is out there reading this, I beg you... DO NOT send a crew to New Orleans to cover this. Use your vans to help run people out of the city instead. |August 26 - Even on an island... So I'm offering up a t-shirt for my Bahamian buddies and for all of my tropical friends who found the incessant media coverage a little excessive... Click here to visit the gift shop and score the newest piece of FJ.com swag:  Plenty in stock - you know you want one. |August 24 - As luck would have it... Oh well... at least it looks like the North Caribbean is safe - it probably won't strengthen much more until it crosses over Florida and hits the Gulf of Mexico. Might be some nice waves if I get out now though... See ya! |August 23 - Time for another one... This has been all over the metal news community, but surprisingly has generated NO coverage from the site that should be all over this - Metal Sludge. (Side note - I can't believe that thay haven't covered any of the other metal news moments of late, or called out Phil Lewis for shaving his age, or... you get the idea...) Perhaps they're afraid of incurring Sharon's wrath? Well, I say - to hell with her. So now, I present to you, the newest recipient of the FJ.com "You Are Full Of Shit" award. |August 20 - Look what you started, Ozzy!
Anyhow, I caught a few episodes and managed to watch Jani run like a chicken, drink like a fish, and sweat like a pig. I've met him a few times, and I get the impression that deep down, he's a really good guy who wants to do the right thing. But his star has fallen and the resulting bruise on his ass from the impact has probably hurt him more than that shot to the rib during boxing training ever did. For his sake, I truly hope that he comes out of this with a little less than what he had at the beginning - namely, about 20 lbs - and gains the inner peace to get his demons out. The next show I caught was Gene Simmons' Rock School.  In this show, Gene travels to England in an attempt to see if he can turn a group of sheltered, proper, cultured school children into rock n roll animals. Somehow in the process, he never lets you forget that he plays in KISS (they even used KISS' version of 'God Gave Rock N Roll To You' as a means for auditioning lead singers...), slept with lots of women, used to be a schoolteacher in real life, and knows everything about everything. I hope he has control over the final editing of the show, 'cause the comments from the schoolchildren that have appeared in the press make it sound like they were less than impressed with the God of Thunder. I actually enjoyed this show. Not just because I'm a diehard KISS fan, but because I find it amusing to wonder what a guy who (unsuccessfully) tried to break Keel, House of Lords, and Black N Blue... who passed on Van Halen... who's run one of the biggest American musical groups to ever exist completely into the ground... could possibly know about judging the potential for others' success as a band. The kid chosen as lead singer was singing along with a cd of "Crazy Nights" in his room. Oh yeah, I'll be watching this for sure!
So we see Tommy trying to find a roommate, buying about three years worth of textbooks, signing autographs, tricking out his dorm room, and desperately attempting to avoid being called on in class. He gets a smoking-hot tutor, and we'll have to keep tuning in to see if he makes the band. There's no pretention here - even Tommy knows that he's not the sharpest tool in the shed when it somes to academia. Even the show notes that Tommy wasn't enrolled in the university as a student - he was only there long enough to film the series. Though still entertaining, that's where the show fails. I think it would have been much more enjoyable if there were any kind of consequence for Tommy not living up to expectations. When I was in school, if I failed out, moving back into my Malibu mansion and re-joining Motley Crue weren't options. It's an interesting juxtaposition, placing someone who's really only there as a mark with folks whose very lives may depend on whether or not they successfully complete their studies. This is by far the best of the bunch - Tommy comes across as a wide-eyed kid, only unaffected by the intimidation that most of us felt the first time we entered our college years. Even though there's no real repercussion for failing, Tommy seems to be putting in at least as much effort as most of us did when we were there... We'll just have to wait and see if the wide-eyed freshman and the bloodshot-eyed drummer of Motley Crue will come together this season. But hey, if Tommy picks up that fabled Freshman 15, I guess there's always Celebrity Fit Club 3... |August 19 - Hey Phil Lewis - I call bullshit. Did you catch that birthdate? June 6, 1966. The guy is claiming to have just turned 39. So let's do some homework... The guy who sang on the first L.A. Guns record, which was released in 1988, would have been 22 in this pic:  Pretty ridiculous, huh? But wait, it gets worse... Most people know that Phil played in a band called Girl before he moved to California and joined LA Guns. But not a lot of people have the records and can show dates. I do. Let's take a look at a record compiled of songs taken from Girl's last Japanese tour, shall we? Here's the front and back covers to the album, with the liner notes written by the band's original guitarist, Gerry Laffy. I've also zoomed in on the date during which this last tour began...     So, if I'm to believe Phil's bio, he has 15 when he toured Japan for the LAST time with Girl. Furthermore, in the liner notes, Laffy writes, "So much had happened since our first Far East tour just 2 years earlier"... I'm sure a lot happened - among other things, Phil's voice probably changed. After all, he was touring with a cult glam rock favorite at the tender age of 13. Must've been tough to balance all of that debauchery with a curfew. Here's a shot of the 1979 Girl release, "My Number". By Phil's account, he was about 12 or 13 when he was standing front and center:  Maybe a year later, right around the time Phil was knocking on 14, he managed to release this album, "Sheer Greed":  I'm guessing the album's title was in reference to being bullied at school for lunch money. You can also see Phil Collen, who would leave Girl for Def Leppard right before Phil Lewis' sophomore year of high school. Hey Phil, the "I'm only 39" act might work on some dumb chick on the bus in Omaha, but you're gonna need to do a better job to fool the metal research team over here at FJ.com. You're 48 years old. Happy birthday. |August 18 - The *Real* Seminoles Never Surrendered. Let me first say that I am indeed supportive of the motives of the ruling - there are some team names that should have been abolished years ago. How the "Redskins" or "Savages" could NOT be considered hostile or abusive is beyond me. Hell, the University of North Carolina calls it's team the "Tar Heels". What the hell is that supposed to mean? I'm not buying the watered-down version, where it's supposed to be a reference to troop bravery in the Civil War (their heels were figuratively tarred to the battlefield, preventing a retreat). Plus, what war was ever fought in North Carolina? I think you know where I'm going with this, and I'm fairly shocked that it hasn't been addressed before. But in reference to Florida State University, who've adopted the nickname 'Seminoles', the ruling is tremendously misguided. It's an example of political correctness gone wild. First, "Seminoles" is not a culturally neutral, derogative description, created with the intent of belittling or dehumanizing anyone. In fact, the Seminoles are the only unconquered Native American tribe - their descendants still live in South Florida, having never surrendered to the United States despite being overwhelmingly outgunned, outmanned, and persecuted. Florida's Seminole Tribe *should* be lauded as defiant heroes. For the sake of brevity, I'm not going to delve into their history here, but please visit Seminole Tribe for more detail. If you fancy a Cliffs Note version, visit http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seminole_%28tribe%29. The NCAA's reasons for including FSU in this horribly misguided attempt to overgeneralize the concept of an "icon" versus a "mascot" stem from an "study" citing offense taken from the very group FSU seeks to iconize. Of course, the Seminole Tribe of Florida has had a long partnership with FSU, actually designing the costumes used by the performers. They've received financial benefit and historically accurate depictions in exchange for allowing their name and image to represent FSU. The Seminole Tribe of Florida issued a statement affirming that they have no problem with Florida State University's use of the name, image, or icon. So the NCAA next claims that the Seminole Tribe of Oklahoma (decendants of Florida Seminoles who were forcibly relocated to reservations west of the Mississippi) had taken offense. Recently, the Seminole Tribe of Oklahoma's leaders voted AGAINST condemning the use of the Seminole name by a margin of 18-2. So we've got positive affirmations by the vast majority of directly affected parties, yet somehow we're still lumped in with the "hostile and abusive" label bestowed upon us by the NCAA. I think it's far more condescending for a group of bureaucrats to try to tell the affected parties what they should or shouldn't find offensive about attempts to celebrate the unconquered spirit of their ancestors. |August 17 - Major FJ Radio Overhaul Those of you who crave something a little meatier might enjoy Jon Oliva's Pain, Chris Caffery, Bruce Dickinson, and Mercyful Fate, all of which are also on the playlist. If you have a comment, criticism, or request, send it to FJRadio@famousjames.com and I'll see what I can do. And do me a favor - if you like what you hear, tell a friend. If you don't, tell an enemy. It's on 24/7, and it'll always be free to listen. |August 16 - A sick sense of humor... A few weeks ago, my mom had to have surgery. I made the pilgrimage back to the homeland to lend support. (That was another reason for the lack of posts last month... but it was a fairly common procedure and she's fine now, so everything's on track again) I stayed at her house, and because she's much more investment-savvy than I, she left me some literature on investments she's made. Because a flair for the dramatic is also a common thread amongst my relatives, I was also given a copy of her living will "just in case" and her cell phone to keep in touch with the rest of my family. (I still refuse to own one, but that's another update for another day...) Anyhow, after leaving her in the capable hands of her anasthesiologist, I suddenly found myself with a few hours to kill. That's always dangerous... So I decided to pull off a little bit of social psychology performance art. Armed with investment literature, a copy of a living will, and a cell phone, I proceeded to pace the halls of the surgery waiting room, leaving all of my props in plain view. Cell phone against my ear, I said things like, "No Gary, I don't have the money just yet... Hold my order and I'll call you back in 2 hours when I'll know for sure." I wish I'd had a hidden camera to capture some of the looks that were shot my way. |August 14 - A *flood* of information 'cause it's been a while... First, a hearty "thank you" to all of the FJ.com readers, fans, and friends of rock n roll who voted to save Chicks Who Rock. The results are in, and it looks like the show will continue to air. As soon as the station updates it's webpage, a link will follow so all of you can tune in and check it out. Also, despite my internet absence for the past month, FJ Radio is still kicking ass and putting up some nice numbers! I'm amazed both by your support and by the power of music. I promise another pretty major playlist overhaul in the near future. There will both be lots of surprises and plenty of familiarity. I won't take your support for granted - it'll always be free to listen. Now on to the personal crap that most people skip, in hope of a sarcastic rant about the state of modern events. Skip a bit if you wish... I've been working an extraordinary amount of hours over the past few weeks, going three weeks with only one day off. This is in addition to extra hours logged almost every day, and the general excitement of owning a home in the tropics. You would THINK that living in a place like this would be relatively maintenance-free. And because I'm a longtime apartment-in-the-city dweller, when things go wrong, I'm accustomed to making one phone call. Such is not the case anymore... I noticed that I had a leaking air conditioner. I dismissed it for a few days, figuring that it was a new problem, relatively minor, and could wait for me to have a day off to get a repairman out. Unfortunately, I underestimated it's severity. I noticed today that it had been leaking underneath the wall into the next room, underneath the carpet. Even worse, that room was my studio. I lost a lot of personal possessions that were stored in boxes in the closet, including photographs, cassettes, storage cases for guitars, and a desk (water damage ruined the bottom). Fortunately, my guitars are stored on racks above the ground and my amp cabinets are on wheels. Otherwise, I'd have likely lost them too. Had I not been working so much, I'd have actually entered that room in the past month. Were it not for someone asking me a question about a song lyric, necessitating a trip into the vault to see if I could find the liner notes for the record, I might not have caught it for another few weeks. So I spent my Saturday night ripping up the carpet and moving everything that was dry into other rooms. I'm terrified that there will be mold in the walls, because it looks like the water level was high enough to flood the baseboards. Plus, I didn't catch the problem when it first happened - i.e., when I first turned on the air conditioner - in May. I could be in for an expensive summer. And this was after coming home from my seventh day of work this week. If that's not bad enough, I'm subjected to the worst radio station on the planet during my work hours. They play the genre that I've come to call 'secretary rock', the kind of playlist that spoonfed soccer moms consider hip and cutting edge, where a diverse playlist means 2 Kelly Clarkson songs every hour. Believe me, it's heck. I'd say it was hell, but a word like that probably isn't allowed in any of the lyrics. Anyhow, I've been forced to endure Mariah Carey's comeback-from-the-brink-of-insanity song, "We Belong Together". I've got some issues with it. I turned off my brain in an attempt to hear the lyrics, and noticed that the chorus goes: "Who am I gonna lean on when times get tough/Who's gonna talk to me on the phone until the sun comes up". So you're telling me, Mariah, that not only do I have to support you when you're down, but I also have to stay up all night listening to you bitch? What's in it for ME, Mariah? I think I belong with your sister. And your best friend. I also noticed that Survivor's "High On You" is really Van Halen's "Jump", only sung by a wuss. And don't even get me started on Sheryl Crow. No balls at all. But I guess that's what she likes, huh? When I write crap like that, it almost makes you wish I took more month-long breaks from posting here, doesn't it? Back to gutting my studio now... | |
Turn It Up!
Hit The Beach
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First up was Celebrity Fit Club 2, featuring Jani Lane.
This is his before shot. I'm wondering first... what's up with the gay Sid Vicious look? With a shirt
like that, I'm pretty sure I never want to know "Where the down boys go"... I've gotta be honest - Jani
is out of shape and has let himself slip. But compared to most other people his age (and on this show), he's really not that bad. Jani
simply needs to quit drinking and get a little more exercise. I'm not sure he belongs on this show nearly as
much as he should appear on "Celebrity Intervention with Courtney Love". 
Last up was the fish-out-of-water Tommy Lee Goes To College.
Seems Tommy spent a little time at the University of Nebraska, Lincoln to do some remedial organic chemistry. Ironic
of course, because Tommy's most extensive experience with chemistry lies in the recreational department. 
