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August 31 - For the record... Also went to a Chicks Who Rock party at a local restaurant called Tokyo Fros. I was kinda looking forward to a night out, hoping to catch a few friends, and hearing Staci's show live. Unfortunately, it didn't quite work that way... You see, Tokyo Fros is one of those places where the "beautiful people" hang out. So there was a live retro-funk band and a dj. Aside from getting a few minutes to say hello to Staci, there was no rock n roll at all. And after being there and nursing my lone beer, I kinda figured that a vagrant like me would only serve to lower the property value of the neighborhood. Try as I might, I've never been hip. I'm a Van Halen-listening, jeans-wearing, non-raspberry martini-drinking regular ol' blue collar guy. I ain't pretty, and know my limits. When I was walking about and heard someone say "Hey Fabio, is that shit real?" I knew I'd probably have a better time listening to Staci's radio show at home instead. But if you must know... Yes, it is real. |August 25 - Words of Wisdom No hidden message or anything there... I just really love that movie. Moving on... Noticed a few hits coming in from a most unconventional source. It was from a website called http://jane.blogs.com/. I checked it out and noticed that it's the blog of a fictional character from a tv show. Fascinated by the concept, I dug around a little and checked it out. I've no idea who's doing the writing for it, but it's definitely worth a peek - there aren't too many blog-type pages that I even bother to read these days. Hell, I don't even read mine! Of course, it didn't hurt that the actress who plays the character on tv is smoking-hot. Check her out. And say hello to her on http://jane.blogs.com/. That way maybe my stupid website might one day make an appearance on her show. How weird would that be? Also got an email that I meant to print a while back. But I'm a lazy, lazy man. So here it is:
For those with short attention spans, "Gail" would be Gail Worley, Rock Critic At Large, interviewer of all sorts of cool assorted famous folks (check her website for details - do it!) and one of the other defenders of the faith. Even if she did talk smack about Britny Fox. Anyhow, I'll Keep you all posted of the dates when it comes on. And when my Kingdom of 80s Metal is split into parcels, Gail's domain will be quite large. Provided she hooks me up with those VH1 folks... wink wink... And in FJ.com news... there will be updates to TWO major features this very week! Make sure you stay home from work and keep logged onto this page constantly to see which ones! Or don't. |August 23 - Yes, Virginia, There IS a Metal Sludge... We'll see... As long as 80s metal folks are dumb enough to piss away their fortunes, get arrested for doing something stupid, fight with each other over the most ridiculous reasons, and cop attitudes when things don't go their way, there'll be a "Metal Sludge", even if the site ends up getting shut down. Guess I could "hire" (hate to burst your bubble, but this site loses a ton of money, so working here is strictly for "fun") some writers in the meantime and try to actually do something similar here for the time being... That might be kind of fun. I've got a pretty biting sense of humor when I want. I'm no Ozzy Stillbourne, but I could probably sling together some pretty funny stuff and some informed observation. However, I tend to temper criticism with too much positivity - even though Gene Simmons can go fuck himself, I still love KISS. I'll still be first in line next time they're in town, and will cheerfully buy just about anything they do (musical - I draw the line at toys). Anyone out there interested in doing a little observational writing/reporting on your local scene? Email me if you've got news, stories, gossip, or something funny about the 80s metal era - current or reminiscent. Scandalous is good, but not required. Maybe I can be the not new and hardly improved "fair and balanced" metal scene news and gossip outlet - the OZ Fox News Network, if you will... I really hope they come back stronger than ever... But if Metal Sludge is truly gone, I'd hate for the scene to fall apart too. It was through that site that a lot of bands got exposure, breaks, and press that would have never happened through more conventional outlets. Help keep it alive until either the mighty Metal Sludge gets their act together again, or someone else comes along and scoops us all up! Or hell... Stevie - call me! |August 22 - Well, it's about time... From the article... “I do think the public is ready for this,” Morse said. “Alcohol has been consumed for two or three thousand years. This is just a new way to try it.” Thank you, good doctor, for helping alleviate concerns that have plagued us for centuries... How can we get drunk in a different way? After all, not enough people try alcohol these days, especially younger ones who find traditional methods of intoxication "played out" and "mad whack". As Stryper said, "Reach out today". Watch for chewable heroin sometime next year. |August 21 - In defense of Hootie, prosecution of the 90s, and a new column. Plus, I was thankful when Hootie & The Blowfish hit big because it meant that there was *finally* a break from Nirvana-thons and Stone Temple Red Hot Alice In Pearl Jams. Finally, a band that got up and played like they were happy to be on stage again, rather than just bitching about how hard fame, fortune, and the opportunity to do *exactly* whatever it is that you want to do with the rest of your life can be. (You reading this, Eddie Vedder?) Must be a real bitch. Hootie & the Blowfish also spent more time talking about bands and scenes they dug, and not talking smack about bands and scenes they didn't. (I honestly wish I could be that classy) When I saw Nirvana, we were instructed to "Go outside and throw rocks at the Hard Rock Cafe window sign", which inspired quite a bit of venom towards a restaurant. Nice, huh? How totally alternative and noncomformist, especially if we all do it together. What a bunch of sheeplike idiots... Here's an easier solution - if you don't like corporate restaurants, DON'T GO. Now get back to cutting yourself to release the pain and wearing those stupid friggin' socks on your heads. Geez... at least I knew that my entertainers were putting on an act and that the lines between reality and fantasy were clearly drawn and easily read. My only regret was that Kurt Cobain was alone when his shotgun went off. Too bad that the rest of those Seattle bands weren't all in the room shooting up with him too. Cool... That ought to get me some hate mail... And if it doesn't... This will. It's my little contribution to subversive metal humor while Metal Sludge works out the kinks with their new website... |August 20 - Effective.
A note to folks who seek plugs from me - gratuitous ass kissing works ten times out of ten. So I'm proud to link up the "Hair's to the 80s" radio show. They play my kind of music. And if you're reading here, it's probably your kind of music to. Moving on... Visit stormaid.com. It's a charity auction to raise money for victims of Hurricane Charley. They're auctioning off a bunch of guitars signed by all kinds of musicians. Everyone from Ted Nugent to Alan Jackson and back. Go check it out. And even if you don't want one of the guitars, there's a link for you to make a donation if you so desire. And finally... Hootie & The Blowfish are playing the state fair tonight. I think that makes me officially old - I remember Before Hootie, the Hootie Explosion, the Hootie Backlash, the Hootie Disappearance, the Greatest Hits record, and now, Hootie and hot dogs. Should I go? After all, I do love fair food... |August 19 - ANOTHER Update! The guards at *his* prison took away his writing privileges. In other news, I've been getting barraged with Instant Messages. Most of them are folks calling me an asshole for never answering them back. Here's a big secret over here at FJ.com... When I'm "online", it's not too often that I'm even sitting in front of the computer. Very often, I'll log in, go get a snack, and completely forget that I'm even online in the first place. I've gone to work with the computer on, and come home to see a whole screen full of insults from pissed-off friends. Hey, it's a gift - I can piss people off without even saying a word or being present. That, my friends, is the true sign of a leader. Or an asshole. |August 17 - Miracles never cease. And I'm also pleased to announce the return of the Happy Hour Chef! It's been a while since he's updated his page. But once you read it, you'll understand why. Make sure you check it out, wish him the best, and as always, designate a driver. |August 16 - Musical ignorance is bliss. August 13 - Should've been Hurricane Charlene... August 12 - Only the young die good... Here's what I'm trying to say - I'm a HUGE Van Halen fan. So when I got lucky enough to score passes to see a soundcheck AND have a floor space less than 15 feet from the stage at their Sacramento show Wednesday night, I was, uh, "A.F.U. (Naturally Wired)". And this is where it gets tough. I have to grit my teeth, hold back a tear, and say... Van Halen sucked. Granted, I always did prefer the David Lee Roth era of Van Halen, but I really do like Sammy Hagar. And truth be told, he's still at the top of his game. He sang with confidence, and what he lacked in physical coordination and exertion (but c'mon, the guy is 56) he more than made up in terms of vocal ability. Michael Anthony was incredible - he's got to be the best backing vocalist in rock history. He nailed every note with ease. Though a little more tepid with age, Alex still pulled off a good performance and even an interesting drum solo - a rarity these days. Eddie was on another planet. From sour notes to bad timing to missed cues, it's sad to see what's happened to him in recent years. During an extended solo, he actually walked to the mic to tell us "I fucked up". He noodled incoherently for another few minutes, looked to the ground and said, "I don't know what to play". Very few of his signature licks even made it into any of his solos, and when the crowd tried to encourage the familiar sequences from memorable playing of the past, Eddie quickly detoured into incomprehensible noise. I honestly don't know if he was experimenting, drunk, or unable to play the songs of his glory years anymore. I fear it was a combination of all 3. But his playing lacked confidence, and sounded rushed. I was terribly afraid of seeing the Atomic Punks in the same week as Van Halen... I didn't want to see a (with all due respect to the Punks themselves) $15 bar band blow away the heroes of my youth. But that's pretty much what happened. Sammy - you write great songs, and you genuinely love performing. Your track record is as consistent now as it's ever been. Go back out with the Waboritas for a year. Take Michael Anthony. Alex - do whatever you need to do. Eddie - get some help. Take a year off, and come back on stage when you're sober, rehearsed, and confident in your playing again. Eddie - please get healthy, come back, and kick my ass next year. "I'll Wait". |August 10 - Big News! I went and had my eyes checked. For reference, I've been unable to read road signs, menu boards, grocery store aisle directions, and the name of the bands on death metal records for a very long time. Much to my disappointment, I learned that Frozen Spiderweb font is made no more easily legible with even the strongest of prescriptions... Anyhow, I went in and endured everything but the eyedrops/dilation of the pupils. Since I did it on a whim, I figured that I'd wait a few more days so that I could better arrange transportation and wouldn't have to drive home with blurred vision. Then again, I've been driving with blurred vision for years, so maybe there wouldn't be much of a difference. Ironically though, I "passed" their tests. My vision wasn't nearly as bad as I had feared it would be - I read most of the bottom lines without even squinting. But I did get a prescription for driving and long-range clear vision, and will own a brand spanking new spiffy pair of spectacles very soon. So feel free to begin the 4th grade taunting I managed to avoid for so long. "Luckily", I was the skinny brainy kid, and was immune to the playground ass-kickings as a result of Coke-bottle glasses. My beatings were the result of other nerdly tendencies. But keep in mind that in addition to my 4 eyes, I also possess 2 fists, 2 feet, 2 elbows, and one belt that can attest to my ability to NOT have to put up with any more teasing than I deserve... |August 9 - Delusion 101 It never ceases to amaze me how un-humble people can be when they think they're still relevant. Note to KISS - it's not 1978 anymore, and the Spencers in my local mall finally got rid of all of the Farewell III/Longest Goodbye Ever Tour merchandise. I think that KISS fans are just about tapped out. Either that, or the remaining ones will all have to move into doublewides to fit in next year's product line too... That having been said... Watch for a revamp of the FJ.com crap store too... |August 7 - Weird... Caught Spiritual Octane last night at the Boardwalk. They've become incredibly tight since the last time I saw them, and have added a bunch of new songs to their playlist. I totally back these guys, so it'd be worth your while to check 'em out. I snapped a few pics, we'll see if they come out. I hadn't been to the Boardwalk in ages, so it was kinda nice to see the place again. They've actually cleaned it up quite a bit. When I used to go there it was a scummy dive. But those are usually the kind of places that I dig! But they've turned into an all-ages, pop-punk venue lately, targeting the younger crowd. On the one hand, it's great that there's a place for younger people to go to get into live music. But it's kinda sad because it's not very often that they book a band I'm interested in checking out anymore. Oh well. It was nice to visit the old stomping grounds anyways. Off to Atomic Punks tonight at my summer home, The Roadhouse. And then it's just a few more days until yet another milestone is passed - witnessing VAN HALEN up close... |August 4 - About time! But there's good news... I'm proud to give a plug for the rebirth of the official ONLINE record store for FJ.com - www.DynastyMetalMusic.com! Now ALL of my readers, no matter how spread out around the country you are, can shop in the same place that I grew to love. Make sure you go and check the place out. And tell 'em James sent you. Also went and saw Jani Lane at the Roadhouse... And of course, I've got a story about it... Long story made short, Jani used to own a rock club in Orlando, FL. It was an LA-style metal club called "Jani Lane's Sunset Strip", and it was a really nice place. I had a lot of fun there. I saved a t-shirt from back in the day, and decided to wear it for a laugh. Jani spotted me from the stage and told me that I still owed him a shot of liquor. I figured, why not, and obliged. So did he. So after the show, I thought it would be cool to say hello. As I was talking to him, a friend of mine was snapping pics, and caught his reaction to my shirt... Here it is:  We were chatting for a bit, reminiscing about the club, when all of a sudden Jani tells me that we have to go to the bar right now, as he wants to buy me a drink. When we got there, I asked if I could grab a quick pic with him. He said, "Sure, but you have to do the official Warrant salute with me." What's the official Warrant salute? Well, it kinda looks like this:  Tacky as all hell? Yeah. But that's why it's fun. To be honest, I was never a big Warrant fan... But I've gotta give credit where it's due - Jani Lane still has a great voice, and he is a hell of a cool guy. I've always thought that much, so I give him much respect. If you get the chance, go check him out! |August 3 - Even More FJ.Com Exclusives! In other news... I got an email from Aja Kim, aka "Bruce Chickinson" from The Iron Maidens, an all-female tribute to Iron Maiden. That already rules. Here it is:
They'll be playing The Roadhouse on Sept. 25. So now you know. I've got a LOT more to talk about, so check back tomorrow! |August 2 - FJ.Com Exclusive!  |
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