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April 30 - Retroactive Game A little background - I try to work out regularly. It's a nice feeling whenever I can add a few more pounds to my workload, and even though I'll probably never really be the muscular type, I do hold out hope that the extra effort will pay off a vanity dividend sometime later. So even though I'm not a "weightlifter", I do track my progress pretty regularly. So in conversation with a drop-dead gorgeous woman not too long ago, I was asked what I'd done on a day off. I told her that I'd gone to the gym, and was proud of myself for hitting a new personal weight record. She asked me, "Well, do you think you could bench press me?" Of course, I just asked her how much she weighed. *Real* smooth. When she replied, I told her that she'd be a step on the way. So now, I realize that what I should have said was "Darlin' if you were laying on top of me, what makes you think I'd want to push you off?" I've really gotta work on my ability to be more cocky around other people... April 29 - I know, I know On the bad side though, I still don't have a message board. Maybe one of these days I'll have to learn a little more about this whole coding thing - to this day I've yet to use any fancy editor or tool. It's still an old copy of "HTML for Technically-Challenged Jackasses" and Notepad, all done by hand, line by line. Self-teaching the finer details of a programming language... Yet another life goal I've no real intention of actively pursuing, but occasionally mention because it makes me sound motivated... In other news... I'm officially tired of McDonalds getting the blame for America's obesity problem. I'm not gonna defend their menu, I know it's basically crap. But the other day I was watching some idiot filmmaker talk about how he gained 24 pounds in a month from eating nothing but supersized McDonalds meals. No shit? You're telling us that fat, fried in fat, heavily salted, and covered with cheese (with a side of sugar water) is an unhealthy way to eat? Someone get this guy a Nobel Prize and a book deal. Too bad he couldn't have smoked a pack of cigarettes every hour for a month instead. That way, at least his voice would be too shot to talk to 60 Minutes, saving me from having to reach for the remote and switch to Real TV instead. McDonald's is supposed to be a treat - a snack - a convenience when you're running late and forget to pack your own lunch. It isn't supposed to be a lifestyle. I don't care how many professional athletes they've got slam dunking basketballs in their commercials, I don't care how many hip urban breakdancers are spinning around and "lovin' it". Maybe we should go after the PR firms and advertising agencies who've turned America into a nation of french-fried couch potatoes before we try our case against overeating fast food in the courts of sensationalistic evening "news" shows. Or better yet... Maybe we should collectively realize that we live in a free society and are accountable for our own (in)actions, eating right and getting enough exercise included. Naaaah. It's easier to blame others when we fall short of expectation, and those fries are just so damn tasty... Oh well. Too bad the movie about the fat guy killing himself by eating too many Big Macs is so short... I'll never get through this mountain of supersized, extra-buttered popcorn while I'm watching it... April 28 - Fine tuning... Having some technical difficulties here though... The forums seem to be all jacked up. Plus, my computer is acting funny. Coincidentally, every Gateway store just closed. Lucky me. Oh well. At least I've got brilliant ideas for the future. I'd really like to do a "Girls of FJ.com" feature, but since I know that isn't realistic, I'm gonna ask for the next best thing... Could I trouble my regular visitors to send a small pic of themselves in? I'd like to do a "cast and crew" page, and I think there are enough folks who check in regularly enough that it could be fun. Include something about yourself too. Don't make me go hunt through your website and swipe pics, 'cause I'm not above doing that... If you'd like to be recognized as part of the alleged fun here, join in. Everyone's welcome. April 27 - Mahalo nui loa, Kaua'i!
But because I can never really get away from the rigors of both life and this website, I decided to share my Hawaiian experience with all of you. You can see some of the pics here. I also finally updated the Greatest Cheeseburgers page as well. There've been a few that needed to be added to that tribute to arterial congestion.
All of that having been said, enjoy the newest (and still under construction) of my features, the Kaua'i Index Page. April 20 - Blast From the Past  The task? Show off for the judges. This was actually my "knockout kick" - The right leg would spin from inside-out, building torque, and lifting me up for a round kick with my left foot. Not too many of my then-opponents were used to getting hit from a left leg. It wasn't a very high percentage blow (meaning, it didn't always hit), but when it did, it was quite devastating. My spindly legs could spin like a helicopter! The above pic was taken at a test match though (no contact), hence my considerable distance from my opponent. Note that I still forced him to the corner! One more step back and he'd have lost a point in a real match!  The task? Air James. Take two steps, then clear an obstacle to break 2 boards at face level. My form was pretty bad on this one, but since I succeeded in clearing and breaking, I passed. Also, I was concentrating more on breaking and landing, and less on posing for the cover of Tae Kwon Do magazine... But in the interest of self-promotion, the boards I broke were twice as thick as ribs. DO NOT MESS WITH ME! :-)  The task? Break 2 boards with my forearm. I passed. I actually got pretty good at this stuff, too bad circumstances prevented me from continuing. This was a particularly "triumphant" break for me, because at my recommended black belt test the year before, I got a hairline fracture doing this same break. (And for the record, I still proceeded to pass, AND went to work the same day!) Wow... I used to be flexible and had the ability to kick people's asses. That was a long time ago. I think I'm gonna go eat some potato chips now... April 18 - Gratuitous Back Patting I'd also like to know what your favorite feature columns are - some things are gonna change around here, and I'd hate to lose something that everyone likes. So if you wanna stand up for the Happy Hour Chef or tell me to get rid of the Concert Gallery, now's the time. This proves, if nothing else, that I care more about my readers than Kiss does. Do you
think Gene Simmons would let his fans pick the setlist? Plus, if things work out, maybe I'll even be able to send out the
first pressing of And to think, I've never actually read one, and could conceivably write one in the near future. Miracles never cease. April 17 - American Idle Oh well... as long as there are a lot of folks checking in right about now... I'm gonna
take a shot in the dark. I've lost touch with some really great friends of mine, and many moons ago we collectively made some
Rob Fox - last known address in Orlando, FL If you're out there, I'm ready to find (yet another) singer, put everything back together again, hit the road and re-claim the glory that should have been ours! Or, at least catch up a little and gripe about out now-receding hairlines, thankless day jobs, and extra paunch.... April 16 - Nice guys don't finish last - but they do finish alone First off, the very definition of "hopeless" is doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results. In general, I agree. Yet for some strange reason, my stupid Puritanical optimism always made me believe that if I worked hard enough and continually tried to be a well rounded person, things would work out to my advantage. I'm finding out that life doesn't really work that way. So over the last few years, I've been dissatisfied with most of the things in my life. Many of which I've changed, a few of which I'm in the process of changing, some of which are out of my control. I've always believed that I'm the master of my own fate, and with the only exception being that I need to work to make a living, I do almost everything that I want to do and answer to no one. When I realized that I was too shy for my own good, I started going out more. Though I'm still tremendously awkward in most social situations, I have enough confidence to try new things on my own. And even though I'm almost always alone, I can be often be found in a lot of variable places when the mood strikes. When I realized that my intellect wasn't being challenged at work, I decided to develop myself in other ways. I stopped defining myself by my job. Though it doesn't suck (well, sometimes it doesn't suck...), it never really gets me very much respect. When I tell people what I do to keep my bills paid, the general response is "You should be doing so much more". Well, I do. I've driven across the country for fun a few times. I stayed in dumpy $20/night motels in the deserts of West Texas and in a fancy Caribbean beachfront luxury hotel, all within a 3 week span. I taught myself how to write and publish a website, which (not to brag) was once very heavily-trafficked even though I could count the number of people I've told about it on one hand and still have fingers left over. I started taking pictures of the bands I went to see in concert, and instead of building a scrapbook for myself, I share them with the world. A lot of folks do the same thing now, but when I started doing that, there really weren't a lot of pictures of bands like LA Guns or Pretty Boy Floyd on the internet... I taught myself how to cook. I taught myself how to play several musical instruments. I taught myself how to save money and plan for the future without sacrificing too much in the present. And though my income and savings might not be that impressive to a lot of folks, I've set a goal for myself that is ambitious yet very attainable. When I was getting a little pudgy around the middle, I re-entered the sports world and taught myself how to take care of my body and came up with a diet/exercise routine that both keeps me in relatively decent shape AND allows me to eat nearly anything I want. Hell, most DOCTORS haven't been able to do that... My curiousities have always been intellectual and/or creative, not professional. I see the world as a diversely veritable playground, not a static and insulated cubicle. In fact, the only thing that's been constant in my life for the past 15 years or so is the industry in which I work. I've changed nearly everything else, many times. And somehow, I'm still perceived as routine, stable, constant, never-growing, boring, and overly accepting of the status quo. And I've been recently told that such a perception is what's killing my dating life. So even though I've got a pretty decent sized list of worldy "accomplishment" and plans for future personal development, I'm still seen as lacking ambition and being resistant to change. So my question is... Is my shitty job really the only thing that's holding me back from "greatness"? And how the hell do I fix that while keeping a roof over my head and food on my table? And why is it bothering me now and not when I was 25? That's a pretty tall order... But I think I'm a bit overdue for some deep thinking and another life action plan... April 15 - The World's A Couch
*Sigh*. There it is again. Too nice. So strictly from a psychological perspective, from the standpoint of reinforced behavior, the lesson I've learned is: I need to be more of an asshole. There have been many times when I've questioned my tendency to behave responsibly. I fail to see the reward in it anymore. From an actionable standpoint, it would be very easy to change. I know that I could walk into any rock club and get laid twice before I even get to the bar. I also know my way around a bar, and (well, back in my harder-partying days) could quite easily drink most folks under the table. I could run up my credit cards, drain my savings, and throw a party That Paris Hilton would find too decadent. But that's not what I want. Why is it so wrong that I only want one person? And why is is that each time I do, the feeling isn't mutual? I don't know which has been a lonelier place to be - trying to grow up myself and get my own act together, or sitting around waiting now for everyone else to catch up. Good Lord, I hate when I get like this... This is the worst batch of shit I've ever posted here. Please accept my apologies for the last week of overly self-analytical, insecure nonsense. Hopefully there'll be some 80s metal news or something soon... I don't even want to run this site anymore if it's just gonna turn into some stupid cliche "Poor Me" pity-fest. I'm not even from Seattle, for cryin' out loud... But, to show that I still have my sense of humor, I took one of the email comments I got yesterday and added it to my Woman-to-English translator. That ought to generate at least one more angry letter... Oh yeah, I also updated the Playlist. At least some things never change... April 13 - To All the Girls I've Loved Before... I very frequently wonder why I receive so many rejections when it comes to dating, and have often come to the point of near-breakdown with regards to addressing and analyzing my own insecurities (which are admittedly numerous). I fear I may never find the "right" one, because I've found her so many times only to be turned away later. I often wonder when it will be my turn to be happy and fulfilled. Yet I have to say... One day you will all look back and realize that letting me get away was a big mistake. You will hope that I'll still be available, but I will be investing 100% of my efforts to make one special woman very happy. I am a HELL of a catch, and throwing me back only makes me bigger, stronger, and in search of another hook. Damn... That was cathartic... But you folks don't come here to listen to me whine about my miserable existence. Well, some of you do. Sick bastards. But that's not why *I'm* here. I'm here to help you. So I've decided to use my background in language, communications, and psychology to create a translation guide. If you're like me (and I know I am), you've been on the phone with a woman and heard her say something that you might not have at first completely understood. So I'm here to cut through all of the BS and let you know exactly what she means when she says something. Click here for my Woman-To-English Translator! April 12 - Those Who Can't Do... But I might have to make an exception one of these days. I'm not feeling very inspired to write much else lately. I can't shake this general malaise, and I'm getting kind of tired of putting on my game face and pretending that everything'll work out ok. Life is not a sitcom - my problems are not solved in 30 minutes (minus commercials). But ironically enough, problems of others can be solved in significantly less time than that by me - I've got quite the collection of Dear Famous letters that need to be posted. Hopefully they'll go up in a big batch really soon... Some are funny, some are actually rather tragic. But all of them have one thing in common: They've no idea that I'm just as screwed up as they are. But hey, if you want help getting in shape - you go to an athlete. If you want help learning how to sing - you go to a singer. If you want help making money - you go to a rich person. You want advice on love, relationships, and solving personal problems, you go the King of 80s Metal. Hmmm... This could be a long week for a lot of people... April 10 - Brief Note To America: Which brings me to my point. Are Americans in fact so sheeplike that we'll reward someone who LOST a talent contest just because someone in the media thinks he should be some kind of mutant tragic hero? Or, are we so sick of having marketing-office created "talent" crammed down our throats that we'll choose the obvious lack of talent over prepackaged "perfection"? It's kind of insulting to those who've spent years practicing a skill and developing natural talent to think that someone who absolutely sucks on ice can walk out of a horrible performance and land a record deal. But then again, it's incredibly gratifying to consider the possiblity that William Hung could potentially have 15 minutes of fame more than the batch of Gap-model, song-ruining warblers that pollute the airwaves during the rest of the show. But William... just remember that we're not laughing *with* you. April 9 - If You Can't Beat 'Em...  That one ought to be good for a few nasty (although likely misspelled) comments from the teenage masses on the ranking sites I hold in such contempt... In site news... Believe it or not, there are actual pending updates for other feature columns. Miracles never cease. Of course, I've had a few really shitty days, so the trend is either to bury myself with work to keep me busy or to completely withdraw from everything and everyone. Lucky for you, I chose the former. Unlucky for me, there's some more pending personal baggage that needs checking. Oh well... As long as it all still fits beneath the proverbial seat in front of me, life is good. And from the "Reader Mail" department...
What does this mean? Well, aside from another hot music chick taking a minute to write in, it means there's a chance that Ron Keel, who made sure that I fought for my Right To Rock back in the day, could conceivably see the site someday. And THAT, my friends, is more than worth the costs of keeping this site online... I think that'll have to be my next goal - to have chronicled, confirmed visits from 80s metal-associated folks. To date, I've had confirmed visits from Billy Nychay (Diamond Rexx), Bill Altman (Crystal Zoo), Richard Piatt (Axtion), and Bruno Ravel (Danger Danger). Anyone else out there? You can tell me - I'm not Metal Sludge. I won't bust your balls. I just want to know who's dropped by. Let me know! April 8 - No Way! April 7 - Great... So while looking through the referral logs, I noticed a bunch of traffic from a site called Pick the Hottie. I already don't really like where this is going... Some of you might remember my debacle a few years ago back at Hot Or Not, when someone posted a pic of me (unbeknownst to me) and I discovered it randomly. (For the record, I was a 3.2, and I've seen at least 2 other pics of me up there since, which didn't rank so highly either) Well, looks like it happened again. Somewhere out there, "I'm" fighting battles with pics of other people, trying to sway the vote of shallow people who entertain themselves by ripping on the appearance of others, all the while finding self-worth in how others rank their photogenic tendencies. Look, I know what I look like, and I know that not too many people dig it. In fact, I'd go on record as saying that *most* people don't find me physically attractive at all. And I don't care. Though I'll probably always be an insecure wreck about my appearance, I know enough to define myself in other ways. And I'm confident enough to stick a middle finger in the face of anyone whose only recourse against me is to attack my lack of attractiveness. But my narcissistic side would be curious to see how I'm doing... April 6 - An FJ.com giveaway! Seriously though, go check out their website and see if you dig 'em. If you do, be one of the first three people to email me and tell me that you want their cd. Complicated, huh? They're kinda pop retro-sounding, almost like a cross between Garbage and No Doubt, so don't go there expecting to hear anything vaguely metallic. See, I give back to ALL (or 3, whichever comes first) of my readers, not just the headbanging ones... April 4 - Why Can't we Save Intelligence Instead? While scratching my chin in perusal of the above, I noticed that I needed a shave. I was out of shaving cream, so I figured it'd be a nice day to walk to my local Big Box Red Circle retailer. About 20 steps into my journey (translation - very close to my front door) I noticed an overturned community garbage can and it's contents scattered about my parking lot. I rolled up my sleeves and cleaned it up. Now, I wasn't looking for praise or accolade, I just don't want to live in a giant shithole. I mean, I'm no expert, but I've always assumed that in the grand scheme of life, scattered garbage is regarded as "unfavorable"... So here's the irritating part... While I was cleaning up the mess left behind by some other idiot, a few of the other residents of my building asked me what I was doing. As I briefly explained my "Hey, this is our home, let's not wreck it" theory, I was told, "Just leave it for the apartment manager". Well, the manager's office doesn't open until late afternoon Monday. It was Sunday. And very windy. And there are lots of kids living nearby. And even though those little monsters are probably the ones who did it in the first place, I can't justify leaving a giant mess that would have only increased had it not been dealt with immediately. So once again, I'm disappointed that personal accountability is such an undervalued concept, and that "It's Not My Problem" is the prevailing state of mind. Who thought that making that mess was ok, and who thought that me cleaning it up even though it "wasn't my problem" was a stupid idea? I thought that leading by example was a good thing. Oh well. At least life's an hour closer to being over. April 3 - Go Get This.  C'mon... a blind white supremist who doesn't know that he's black? Pure genius. Easily the funniest show on tv right now. April 2 - Hey, it was better than last year's... Oh well... I thought it was funny. And it beat my other idea... which I may or may not attempt to pull off sometime in the future... Not to mention, it's probably a good sign that my attempts to screw with the rest of the free world have become more silly and harmless over the years, and are now much less likely to result in a long federal sentence. Although frankly, the book deal would probably be more lucrative if penned via a stint in a maximum security jail and an appearance on the Maury Povich show. Then again, the likelihood of being raped in prison proves *slightly* less desirable than working. But it's close. In other news... Updated the Playlist. The new Aerosmith is good. Go get it. They've finally dropped the MTV crap that had infected their setlists for the past 10 years. THIS should have been the followup to "Pump", which in my opinion, was the last truly blessed cd from Aerosmith. Not that they haven't done anything good since then, but as a whole, it's been awhile since the raw energy just oozed from the speakers, even if the cd is essentially nothing but covers of old blues songs. Well, at least I *hope* that's energy... And in even other news... I was lucky enough to catch Tesla at the Fillmore in San Francisco a few nights ago. If you get the chance to see this tour and miss it, you have no business reading my website. Opening the show was the surprisingly good Podunk. I was actually impressed - go check 'em out. But Tesla played a 2 hour set featuring 7 songs from the new cd (which is required listening this year) and a diverse collection of old glory. After Jeff Keith hit cruising altitude, Tesla put on the best performance I've seen from them in years. My only suggestion would be to drop "Mighty Mouse" from the set and replace it with "Edison's Medicine". Or even "Come To Me" from the new album, if the goal is to remain, well, "Into The Now"... Bottom line - buy the new Aerosmith, go check out Podunk's website, and don't miss Tesla this summer. See y'all tomorrow! |
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Well, I'm back. I'll let you decide whether or not that's a good thing. I only told a few
people that I was leaving (the last thing I need is to let defective people like all of you
know that I'll be away from Casa James for a week at a time), but I snuck off for a week in
Hawaii, on the island of Kaua'i. Spent the days hanging out at the beach, and the nights
hanging out by the pool. Played golf with some locals. Hiked trails that weren't on
any maps, and sank ankle deep in mud. I drove every inch of the island's roads, and walked the
rest of 'em when the road ended. 
First things first - I need to do stuff like that more often.
I've been much more depressed and moody than usual for the past few weeks, and I've gotta
say that it's kinda hard to feel sorry for yourself when you're 
But before you go off and start clicking those vacation links,
please remember that this site is not a high volume, high capacity site. Translation - I'm
already pushing the limits of my storage capacity, and will likely have to rotate pics around
from time to time. Don't be surprised if you get a broken link sometimes - just click another
gallery and pop back in again later. Not all of the pics will be up all of the time, but
almost every pic I've got will eventually be posted. Make sense? There'll also be more narration
and background, 'cause in all honesty, these pics really don't do the place justice. 
