Come on In, The Water's Fine

The arena... Notice the lack of participants. That means: I've found a great spot, tourists haven't found it, and it's probably not smart to go out.


Next stop, paddling back out past the shorebreak. This pic doesn't really do justice to the view of your impending smackdown. Waves were running between 4 and 6 feet, which is pretty big for this part of the world.


This is the view you're supposed to get when you catch a 5 foot wave...


And then you turn around, look back, and see it about to crumble...


So, the next view you get is this one... Head over heels, falling to the right ahead of your board...


A trip back to the locker room, for some, uh, ice.

September 30 - Close call
Let me first state for the record that I have no problem with being the "Old Guy" at the beach. I'm twice as old as many of the kids out there, and am proud to have worked myself into their ranks - at the beach this morning, I even received the highest compliment in surf culture. Just out of earshot as I was walking past a crowd, I heard... "Who's that guy?" and immediately thereafter, "He's cool, he's local". So I went in and proceeded to have one of the best surf days I've had in years. I think it's all due to this hat:

Yesterday, however, was a little different...

I ventured into an ocean that was probably a bit too rough for a hack like me. Normally, waves here don't break like the ones you see on tv. There's no mile-long tube, no perfectly-shaped symmetrical wall of water - just a crumbling mess of whitewater. It's actually like trying to swim in a washing machine. Only when there's a storm at sea do we get the classic "waves, dude".

But for the past few days, we've had 'em. I very much enjoyed the first 2 hours or so, and even caught a few great rides. But the second-to-last ride nearly killed me. And I'm not kidding. I caught a wave in the wrong spot, and found myself going over the front face of it - the part that curls. That's bad. It ended with me headed straight down, as I was still in prone position. I slid over the front of the board and received the full force of the wave pounding me into the water. I felt a pull against my neck, and then realized that I couldn't move my left hand or foot. They were tied together with the leash, which was also wrapped around my neck - any motion tightened it's grip. I was under water, unable to surface, and restrained, with an angry ocean breaking above my head. Thank goodness I had the presence of mind to dive deeper so I could spin around and untie myself, and remembered to look up to make sure it was clear to surface when I finally did. I can't recall the last time I was so happy to take a breath.

I've actually still got some cuts and a bruise in the spot where the leash was tightest around my neck:

Anyhow, after that, I decided to take a little break and just rode the whitewater back to the shore. I caught my composure and headed back out.

The first friggin' wave was so strong it pulled the leash right out of my board and broke it. Day over. But I own more than one board, and there was a surf shop just a few blocks away... I bought another replacement, and briefly debated signing up for lessons. My idiocy will never be completely reigned in, and I will continue to abuse my body for our mutual enjoyment.

Pics tomorrow!

September 25 - Who wants to join me?
Y'know, it's really not all that unreasonable... A main house, 2 guest cottages, a beach bar, and a lighthouse. Check out my newest dream - the thought of owning my own private island in the Bahamas by clicking here. And it could be mine, all mine ours for the low, low price of $4 million.

I've already made the first decoration for the bar:

September 24 - When opportunity knocks...
I'm sure most people saw this picture in their local papers in the first days after Hurricane Katrina:

Following the age-old equation of Idiots + Photoshop / Too Much Time * Sense of Humor, we get the following - an entire gallery of hysterical creations devoted to that guy. Genius, pure genius. I only wish I'd have thought of it first... Go check out www.looterguy.com and visit the gallery to see examples of this dude gettin' his drink on.

September 21 - God to World: "Build an ark, I'm PMSing".
There's probably not much need for me to talk about the specifics of Hurricane Rita. Texas, you're screwed. But I'm not convinced that geographically speaking, you're the target. I'm wondering if God just hates New Orleans so much that He's sent Rita to chase the last of the Katrina survivors as a follow-up courtesy flush. I've been there, and could imagine an angry God saying for decades - "Either you clean up those piss-and-puke-reeking streets or I will!" After all, pretty much all of New Orleans' leftovers are currently residing in Texas. I'm even already reading interviews with people who are hunkering down, and naively asserting that 'God will protect us because we have faith'. Ummm.... Who do you think made the hurricane?

Enough of that. Suffering is only funny when it happens to other people, and I realize that I could find myself in the same situation before year's end. Living next to the ocean is like living with a bipolar woman - that's why the most destructive storms always seem to have female names. One minute you're lying down, enjoying a cold drink and basking in calm, tepid water. A few days later you're dodging flying items, living outside, hungry, and wondering what happened to the car. The sea is one fickle bitch, best avoided when the slightest sign of tropical depression manifests itself. Never turn your back on her, and watch her moods with the highest attention to detail.

I've also begun to wonder... Where are Al Sharpton and the rest of his ilk, who throw protests when black circles on the checkerboard get jumped? Hasn't he noticed that the list for storms fails to include overtly ethnic sounding names? Where's Tropical Storm LaKesha? Hurricane Tawanda? Don't think I'm letting other minority groups get off so easily... I wanna see Hurricane Chaim. I want to see a headline in the paper that says, "Bertoldo and Carlos to arrive tomorrow, level city". Why keep the misery confined to neutral names?

I'd promise to post hate mail received by the above, but I'm betting that no one in Texas or Lousiana will have power or internet access before the month ends and this stupid rant finds itself buried in the archives...

And before anyone feels the need to jump all over me for being an insensitive jerk, let me state for the record - I'm an asshole with a sick sense of humor. I know it already, so save your breath. And please consider making a generous donation to the Red Cross, regardless of whether or not you think that living near the ocean is a good idea.

And consider making it recurring, because hurricane season still has two months to go...

September 10 - Do the math.

Not a chance of me wasting another minute updating the site. Have a great Saturday and I'll see y'all tomorrow!

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September 8 - I must travel to Pennsylvania...
Wow. Just wow. I have seen the top of the mountain, and it is good. Who's up for a road trip?

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September 7 - Don't it figure...
I woke up to this image:

And did a little reasearch.

Today, waves breaking 5 feet and clean. Sun shining. Plenty of leftover cold drinks in the fridge, and a few bucks in my pocket. Tourists don't start heading here for at least another month, so I'd have the beach almost entirely to myself.

Just look at this beachcam shot:

And I've got to work. I really need to figure out how to make a living doing something that doesn't involve a schedule, responsibility, punctuality, commitment, competence, or actual labor. Unfortunately, I'm not 35 yet so I can't run for President. But one day, I will find a way to completely blow off working for other people. I think I've worked enough hours in my life to qualify for some balance - here's hoping that there will still be some hours left in it when that day comes.

Retirement, where art thou?

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September 6 - Shortest Update Ever...

THE STREAK IS OVER! FSU 10, MIAMI 7
How 'bout them 'Noles?

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September 5 - Pics count as updates!
It's Labor Day in America. For my non-American readers, that's the day upon which people who actually have to labor work double shifts in order to cover the rest of the folks who take the day off. But rest assured, the hardworking bureaucrats have their feet up today and will be ready to push pencils and count beans on Tuesday.

Ironic of course, because the only work I plan to do today pertains to this website. And 90% of that will be just posting pics. They take up lots of space, and make updates appear longer than they actually are. Pictures are good.

Anyhow, I know that there haven't been a lot of pics of me posted since I sacrificed my hair to Locks Of Love. But just for kicks, here's a pic of me right out of bed this morning - I hadn't even stepped outside to get the paper:

For those curious, that pic was actually an accident - I'd left the motion detector on my webcam on all night and sat down at my desk to a picture snapped of myself when I reached to turn on the monitor.

I had planned on hitting the beach, finishing up some yardwork, and cleaning the house. But a series of thunderstorms covering the Northern Bahamas have all but ruined that plan. The next brilliant idea was to have a few drinks and watch Metal Mania courtesy of the satellite dish. But heavy rain messed up that plan too, making the dish unable to pick up the signal. Hopefully it'll clear up before tonight's game between my beloved Florida State Seminoles and the evil incarnate Miami Hurricanes.

So I did the next best thing - I opened up all of the windows and doors, and snapped a pic of my cat napping on the patio:

Even my cat is taking the day off.

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