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October 22 - Don't join 'em, just keep beating them. I'll have to let you know how this goes... This might be a new feature around here - the "before swipe" and "after James finds out about it" column... But not this time - I could never intentionally direct my readers to the filth I used for my debut! |October 21 - From the forums... Anyhow, I was checking 'em out this morning and noticed something that needs a front page plug... Anytime someone uses entrepreneurial spirit and a little bit of creativity to work towards a tangible goal, it's worth mentioning. When the person doing it is an 8 year old girl, it's even more cool and gets a plug from me. Especially if it's something much more original than a lemonade stand. So I want all of my readers to go check out www.horseshues.com. If nothing else, let's teach her a lesson about bandwidth costs from running a high-traffic site! (Just in case any of you sick people think I'm serious about that part, it should be noted that her site is run by the webmaster of one my favorite diversions. So click away and order a crafty cool thingie for your house.) And yes, I will be ordering one too. Why? Because lemonade doesn't ship well. |October 18 - In defense of Nadar. But I heard something from John Kerry that made me think. He stated that no matter what, either he or George Bush would be president of the United States come January, and that if you want a change, you're wasting your vote unless you vote for him. I call bullshit. Who's really wasting their vote? The person who votes for Nadar because s/he believes that he has the best ideas, and feels a strong conviction that he best represents their interest, or the former Howard Dean supporter who's now voting for Kerry regardless of his/her convictions simply because they don't like George Bush and decide to vote for the person "who can win" even though they don't agree with his position on the issues? The lesser of two evils is still evil. Why would you pick an evil if you've got a choice that you don't find evil? Stop listening to pundits and spinsters - the best way to put a stop to all of the Republican/Democrat third-grade sandbox nonsense is for a third party candidate to play spoiler. Maybe if enough elections are "ruined" by third party candidates (which happens on both sides, Ross Perot probably gave a presidency to Clinton) the leaders of the major parties will get the message and start listening to the majority - the 80% of us who really just want to be left alone and rest assured that we'll have jobs, houses, cops, and cable television tomorrow. I'd love for the nation to learn about issues and vote based on how they feel about them, and not because "the only guy who can beat Bush" seems to be the only choice. It's better to stand up for what you believe than to cater to public opinion, regardless of who gives you grief for doing so. Hell, maybe Nadar can win. And maybe it wouldn't be a bad thing if he did. But then again, I live in a fantasy world where Bon Jovi is still cool. Even though he's a Democrat. |October 17 - On the mend. So my cat is full of antibiotics. Somehow, the vet managed to hold him still enough to get him a few shots. Of course, it took three of them, a bunch of towels, and a net (you know - the ones that cartoon dogcatchers use) to restrain him. And I heard him howling from the waiting room. But his infection seems to be improving. That means he should be back to terrorizing his sister, jumping to places he's not allowed to be, trying to sneak out, clawing the furniture, and generally getting back to his ornery little self in no time. I had one shot left on a camera, and asked him if he planned on being a good boy. This was his reaction:  I don't know if that's supposed to be a smile, a scream, a hiss, or a general display of attitude. And that's pretty much par for the course. |October 15 - Now here's some comedy.
Seeing Erasure, Simply Red, Wham, and N Sync rank ahead of Van Halen on ANY musical list at all proves that mad cow disease is far more prevalent in England than we'd thought. What kind of wasted-brained, toothless moron could look us in the eye and claim that Oasis was more important than Guns N Roses? Even I, as a dedicated Nirvana hater and constant critic of their "talent" can't justify them being placed behind Dire Straits on a relative scale. They sucked, that's for sure, but they surely can't be less important than Dire Straits. And who the fuck is Wet Wet Wet, and why are they ranked ahead of Van Halen too? Hey England - get out of our coalition. If you really think that the Backstreet Boys qualify as one of the top 25 groups of all time, it's no wonder that the western world is perceived so negatively. It's bad enough that the computer geeks stuck their nerdy noses into creating a system for ranking college football teams... Please, for the love of all that which doesn't suck... STAY OUT OF MUSIC! |October 14 - Hoping for the best All I'm gonna say is... This cat's been through an awful lot with me, and to see him hurting, uncomfortable, and unwilling to be treated is incredibly difficult. He was rescued as a stray when he was a sickly kitten, and I've had him for almost 10 years now. He's grown into a very sweet, even if a bit ill tempered at times, pet. I just hope I can fix what's wrong with him and keep him around for another 10. |October 13 - Oh yeah, I have a website! Even more ironic, because I'd promised myself to relax a little during the holiday season (well, as much as one in my position can, at any rate) but my curiousity may get the best of me and I could end up very busy very soon. We'll see. Hopefully I can reconcile intellectual curiousity, professional ambition, my general laziness, and reality all at the same time. But one thing will always remain constant - I will complain incessantly, buy too many cds, post really bad pictures here, and wish I were at the beach instead. |October 8 - Reader mail! Anyhow, look at two of the emails I received this week:
OK "Ben"... I'll play along... You're an idiot. If you really want to impress that girl, just walk up to her, pull your pants down, point at her, and then back at your exposed private parts. Please do us all a favor and make sure you never reproduce. It's people like you who make me think that someone's pissing in the gene pool. Moving on. I also get some really cool email too. Here's something that was also sent in this week:
Now THAT'S what I'm talkin' 'bout! May I also add... you should have one check left in your checkbook, made out to the undertaker. And it should BOUNCE! And in celebration of stupid indulgence, I'm proud to announce another addition to the Greatest Cheeseburgers page. Yum. |October 7 - Smokin' In The Dorm Room However, it will be interesting to see the reaction of the 18-22 year old girls who only know him from prison, porn, and tabloids, who most likely think of Motley Crue as "dad's lame music". But to answer your question... YES, I'll watch it, if for no other reason than to see a Motley Crue reunion tour kick off at a college bar. |October 6 - I'm an authority. Then there are the folks who linked to me, and I usually see the page that gives me a plug. That's also very cool. And if I really dig their sites too, they get added to the endless sea of links on your left Then there are the people who find me via search engines... Oh, the things that Google thinks I know... Here's are the most popular search engine queries that resulted in visits to this site for the 5 days of October thus far:
I think there are some people out there who are very disappointed. Especially me, who also noticed that last month generated 11 hits for the term "monkey fuck". Who are these people, and why are they directed here for that? It's also interesting to note that Norway has surpassed the UK as the source of most of my non-American visits. Hvordan har du det, Norge? (That's Norwegian for WASSSSUPPPPP) And the country that contributes the least? A tie between Greece and Mexico, each giving only 1 hit so far this month. Of course, that doesn't count God-forsaken places that don't have hot running water or a Burger King nearby. It'll be interesting to see how the month ends, and see who else around the world has been subjected to my idiocy. Scary to think that I might be the only impression of America that some people get, huh? And if any of you are out there right now, YES, Motley Crue IS STILL cool here... |October 5 - Non-proofed, scary two word conclusion. This paragraph will also be useless, containing no supporting information for the thesis as stated above. It's essentially only here to add some depth to today's thoughful essay. Paragraphs with only two sentences generally don't have enough detail. Like all good opinion writing, a challenge is presented and addressed about 2/3 of the way through. This is about where such thought-provoking material will be placed. These will occur in future essays, when I actually have something to say. And the most frightening thought of all... I wrote the above few sentences as a 3 page essay in college, and won second place in a creative writing contest. This disproves completely the notions that hard work is rewarded and bullshit is exposed.
Go Noles. |October 4 - As long as we're talking 'bout scary stuff... Another scary thought... Tommy Lee's biography. What on Earth could be left to tell after "The Dirt"? Oh well... That'll definitely be at the top of my to-read list this fall. Nikki's "Heroin Diaries" might also be interesting. And last in today's collection of topics sure to frighten you... I went out for a pizza last night. When I arrived, it was crowded. Normally, being an intense hater of society at large, I'd have gone home and reheated something rather than stand in line with other humans... But since I have a cold, I figured the more I'm out in public, the better the chances of infecting other people and making THEM stay inside instead, leaving the lines for pizza much shorter for me... Germ warfare! Where was I? Oh yeah... Anyhow, I placed my order and took a place in a quiet corner, away from most people so as not to get anyone else sick. (I was just kidding about intentionally infecting people... as far as you know...) While I was waiting for my order to be finished, a family came in. Two "parents" and two young kids. You'd think the odds would at least be even... But no. These kids were running all over the place, in and out of the line, crashing into people and getting into everyone's way. Oblivious to the children, the "parents" were discussing what to get for dinner. Until the children made a beeline for the area behind the counter, where the kitchen and prep areas were. The parents still said nothing. Until one of the workers spoke to the children, only saying, "Sorry, kids aren't allowed back here". Personally, I'd have likely said something much more sharply rebuking, with added profanity for effect. Personally, I thought the worker showed trememdous restraint and patience by remaining calm. How did this approach work? "Dad" said, "Oh, he just wants to look. He won't be in the way for long". What?!?!? When I was a kid, I'd have gotten the stuffing beaten out of me for acting like that in public. Even necessitating someone outside of my family to administer any kind of discipline would have resulted in swift and severe punishment. But now we've got a "parent" not only oblivious to publicly unacceptable behavior, but completely supportive of it? It's really too bad I don't have something much more communicable and deadly than this lousy cold. Some people just don't deserve pizza. |October 3 - New products in the gift shop! More stuff is coming if/when I find the motivation to make more. I'm kinda hoping for a few more natural disasters. They really do make for great t shirts. In other news, I've still got a cold and a mountain of laundry to do. It's been a slow recovery, but hopefully all will be well in time for my return to work. Lucky me. Make sure you don't end up like me - take your vitamins, and buy a shirt so you can put off washing clothes for at least one more day. And a fair warning to some people who probably know who they are... I've seen pictures of myself in signature files of others out soliciting for, well, let's just say that if you really think that MY pic is gonna get you that, power to you. But if you continue to hotlink images from my server, you will be in for a very nasty surprise. Same goes for anyone who steals my bandwidth. Not to sound like a martyr, but running this site is expensive enough as it is. The last thing I need is to cover the "work" of someone else as well. THIS IS YOUR LAST WARNING. And if you decide not to take me seriously, believe me, I'm capable of having all kinds of fun with this. And I'm sure my readers enjoy seeing humor at the expense of others as much as I do. Try me. |October 2 - Holiday decorating... Then again, that would take work. And ambition. And the desire to sit here for more than the amount of time it takes to see if my stock portfolio has grown enough for me to retire yet. Nope. Not yet. Guess I'll get back to work now... But just out of curiousity (and to pretend I give a rip what my readers think for a minute...) Which layout has been your favorite? Which is easiest to read and most navigable? Which layout totally sucked? Email me and let me know! |October 1 - Now THAT'S cool!
Everything's gonna be just fine in Florida again. And though the tourism indistry has taken a beating, and the fair-weather residents are all headed to foreign ground... The minute the snowflakes start falling in Michigan again, Florida will once again be THE place to be, because tough, resilient, laidback people like the Happy Hour Chef make it so. Wherever you are this weekend, hoist a drink and stick up a middle finger at anyone who tells you that you're crazy for being happy. Oh yeah, and go see Rogue tomorrow night at the Roadhouse. You never know who might be there... | |
Scary Stuff!
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I'm not an overly dramatic person, but I've gotta admit that I'm a little uneasy today. My lil' buddy has to go
to the vet for a condition that's worsening. To say that he doesn't do well in stressful situations would be a
drastic understatement. The last time I took him in for a checkup he mauled the vet so badly that he wasn't even
given his annual shots. They couldn't restrain him - three vet techs and a muzzle couldn't keep him still enough
to even get a shot, much less diagnose any sort of problem. The vet actually said, "Screw it... He's an indoor cat, so he doesn't really need
these shots anyways". Y'know, you'd think that I could get a refund on all of the back shots I've taken him in
to get over the years, that really weren't necessary since "he's an indoor cat"...
Food for further discussion - who's dumber? Me for thinking mindless brain droppings
like this are funny, you for reading them, or Florida State University for giving me a Cum Laude degree in
Communications?
The 
